043

Climb at Change

Do you remember the time when you couldn’t listen to the past?
So do I.
It sucked.
And it almost destroyed my brain.
Now here we are.
We’re very quickly going places.
Are you down with moving up?

In other words, you can relax because we’re okay.

The word relax can mean “to chill.”

Chilling sounds might make you feel a coldness amidst sweltering heat.

Sometimes I have to read a sentence more than once to uncover its essence.

A recipe amounts to a map that leads to a result which has worked for at least one other person in the past. Conditions change, so you may tweak at your discretion, but don’t forget that rising above anything becomes much easier once you find inner peace.

In other words, it might seem like I’ve been misled about the living organisms known as yeast.

What in Sam Hill are we even discussing?

All there is to comprehend cannot be understood fully at once.

An incomprehensible onslaught approaches, and you will not survive save for your willingness to evolve your consciousness.

Practice what you preach mentally to yourself.

Don’t preach to someone who does not want to listen.

On second thought, don’t fucking preach at all.

Teach.

At least try.

But don’t try to teach someone who does not want to learn.

Just do what you know is right.

In other words, clichés may originate within groundbreaking insights.

Do actions speak louder than words?

Currently, you’re reading a transitional sentence that’s just as rhetorical as the question that precedes it most adjacently.

Yay.

Anyway.

Where were we?

Here’s where we are.

And this is where we’ll be.

Which two elements make up about 99% of the observable universe?

You might know at least one of them by now.

The other is helium.

In case you don’t recall, I should mention that hydrogen still occupies first place.

(Also, if you’re not too busy, think back and remember all the time we’ve wasted on this parenthetically framed, speculative aside.)

Hydrogen.

An atom.

The building block of cosmic anatomy.

The stuff to end start all things.

In other words, the ingredient found in most recipes.

Helium, by the way, is not a renewable resource, yet we are using it as if it were. Why would we do that?

Why would we outpace the supply of any resource?

Since a resource determines power, powers dictate resources.

Powers contain resources because resources hold power.

Six of one, half dozen of another.

In other words, resources are powers.

Possessing any combination of the resources above equates with some degree of influence.

In other words, the richest people possess the highest power of persuasion.

Globally, distribution of wealth becomes more and more uneven with each passing moment. Psst, just curious—how are we expecting that will end? If their brains could interpret any emotion beyond “a hunger for flesh” [double meaning], The Galacian Empire would pity {or laugh} at humanity’s hapless ignorance.

In other words, you can reliably count on a cause to enjoy its personal effects.

We could learn a lot from our mortal enemies, particularly in terms of organizational structure and civilizational systems on a planet-wide scale. The “wealthiest” among g/b society are naturally gifted. None of them live in “poverty” (as we know it).

As a whole, we [humans] have overvalued the paper/code that represents money.

I might not have been the World’s Greatest Detective here, but I’ve come away fairly certain that more cash flowing to the top of the barrel amounts to more desperation stirring at the bottom.

Build up enough helium and eventually it’ll pop the balloon. Then what? Clearly we aren’t too worried about it.

Why has the global movement of money been mimicking the shady structure [i.e. upward funneling and collection at the topmost point] of a pyramid scheme?

You’ve heard about “the one percent,” have you not?

Some people have (not).

Apparently, it’s where all the world’s wealth has been imprisoned.

In other words, “America the Beautiful” disaster.

In another word, assholes.

How is anyone—whether at the bottom, middle, or top—okay with that arrangement?

How long can any “body” be safe from revolutionary friction while hoarding energy over such a relatively lengthy timespan?

Every volcano to ever flip its lid says hello.
So does every molten core that ever powered a planet.
Every moon that ever sloshed water over growing, shifting land.
Every seed that ever dropped roots, branched out, and sprouted limbs.
Every body that ever ate matter in order to build up strength.
Every bud that ever flowered into saturated blossoms.
Every brain that ever processed a thought.
Every emotion that ever surged.
In other words, this could go on forever.

Think of any “universe” as contained within an hourglass.

Assume that underneath the skin of everything you see, only grains of sand exist.

Equate grains of sand with particles inside atoms.

In an hourglass, a grain of sand can only fall.

In other words, as illuminated by a prism, dust can’t rise without help.

Envision our universe as a much more complicated, much fancier hourglass.

Our grains can go back up.

But we can only oversee a certain number of grains.

If we waste a grain, then it disappears.

In other words, when all the grains of sand in our universe are finally wasted, we run out of time.

The only infinite resource is gravity.

Flip gravity and you get energy!

But to harness energy, we need {to} matter.

In other words, anything (else) is finite.

If a thing exists, then that thing will fall (eventually).

Here’s what’s cool.

When a grain is used appropriately, it can be used again.

And when we reuse grains (naturally), they come out stronger.

We never have to run out of time, but you better believe that we will unless we try a little harder to minimize waste in general, start heeding nature’s warnings, and stop ignoring the mathematical artistry continuously assigning values to existence.

In other words, we best be better at being human beings.

By definition, anything that amounts to “trash” has been devalued.

Devalued things are seen as disposable.

Can disposable income be valued?

Moreover, can disposable income exist without exorbitant wealth?

No body/nobody really knows how to process unneeded material.

Know why?

Because it’s impossible.

Speaking of blowing smoke, helium is enormously rare (at 5.2 ppm) in Earth’s atmosphere.

If you want to see and feel helium, then step outside in the middle of a clear day. That big fiery disk emanating warmth and light? That’s helium in all its glory.

You realize that the sun is pretty much just like every other (average) star you’ve ever seen in the night sky, yeah?

{No?}

In other words, helium is rare on earth, but in the stars, not so much.

Speaking of heat…

Which of the following best highlights the point of conflict in the climate change debate?
a) Climate change is normal.
b) Climate is not changing.
c) Humanity is causing climate to change.
d) Humanity is precipitating a change in climate to a negative degree that matters.
Sometimes choices multiply.

Do you know the answer?

In other words, I don’t.

Seems to me that most people aren’t even debating the same point—they just regurgitate what they think their tribe [political party] wants them to say.

Unbound by political affiliation, I’m compelled to outline certain facts. Since the Industrial Revolution—namely on the heels of the invention and monetization of the lightbulb—and especially in the last 75 years or so, the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere has seen a meteoric rise from well under 300 ppm to now beyond 400. In the context of our planet’s historical readings, this trend reveals itself quite openly as an obscene aberration.

In other words, the natural laws that have governed anything you’ve ever seen will continue doing the same damn thing.

In other words, only so much stuff can be stuffed into other stuff.

Our atmosphere marks the ceiling to our biosphere; the hydrosphere serves as the floor.

In other words, our skin provides a place in space and time.

Earth’s biosphere makes life possible, but mere possibility does not imply permanence.

Ever missed a chance? Me, too. Therefore, possibility must be temporary.

Make no mistake; we do indeed need our greenhouse gases to keep trapping heat so that we can stay alive, but at some point, heat gets too hot to handle. When your body overheats, it strokes out. Anything, everything, every body, and every brain can only endure so much stress before breaking down.

In other words, too much of anything can be bad news.

Even too much water can kill you in more ways than one.

To some, rising CO2 might seem insignificant since atmospheric levels only amount to about 0.04% of the air we breathe.

For the sake of additional context, nitrogen occupies 78.09% and oxygen fills 20.95%.

How can 0.04% of anything really matter? Um, could it be because it is affected by chance and choice?

In other words, math gets done.

How do you feel when your body temperature elevates even slightly? Should you claim no change, you’re either wrong, lying, or always sick. You don’t feel totally normal; that’s for sure. The only logical conclusion here is that the change in temperature does matter. Indisputably, and to echo a point Dr. Tyson has made more than once, this is one of those nifty scientific facts that doesn’t require anyone’s personal belief to be true.

In other words, numbers don’t lie because they can’t.

In other words, numbers are dumb.

In other words, a clear causal relationship between earth’s rising temperature and the elevation in atmospheric CO2 can only be dismissed by the willfully ignorant.

In other words, ugh, just to make a living, people either need to belong to a family, or they need to be able to gather enough shiny objects to distract them.

And in even more words, goddamnit, yes, matter needs energy (in order to resist the unstoppable force known as gravity).

But energy needs no body; it was here first.

Your body is made of matter.

The mind must branch from light.

Conclusion: energy(/gravity) does not care if we die horribly; therefore, let us live enjoyably!

We might as well, right?

And we might as well right (our ship), right?

You’re still okay.

Humanity’s greedy hunger for power keeps us clinging to unsustainable methods of energy usage/distribution as well as food production, which in turn causes Earth’s overall temperature to steadily (and unnaturally) rise.

In other words, a fact couldn’t care less about politics.

It doesn’t care about anything.

It just is.

In other words, the thing that just fucking is doesn’t need us in order to be the thing that it just fucking is.

In other words, we need it.

We can’t do what we need to do if we overheat.

In other words, we can’t function unless we can breathe.

In other words, our planet can do what it needs to do with or without us.

In other words, Earth is a lot bigger than “you.”

If you were Big Mama E, would you want humans crawling all over you right now, wasting your precious energy, rendering half your creations extinct {especially the creatures}, trying to turn you into something you’re not meant to be?

In other words, perform thinking.

Nuts, I tell ya.

Picture this.

Earth has a fever, and we’re making it worse.

It really is simple math/physics.

Disbelief in this reality is not terribly unlike believing that if you sink deep enough underwater, your body will somehow shift respiratory gears and start breathing, or like reckoning you can walk your happy ass into the middle of Times Square at high noon and defecate on the street without anyone noticing.

In other words, there are both right and wrong ways to do things.

In another word, choices!

In other words, hell yes.

When everything makes too much sense, these words seem to be post-encoded—especially in the case of sentences not unlike this one, the significance of which we must no longer fail to grasp, clutch, rank, and file for safekeeping.

In other words, I’m off your rocker.

In other words, close call!

Look at what’s happening around the world.

Are you yet aware?

Why?

Do you know anyone who gets their news from memes?

If you have carefully considered the state of affairs on our home planet, then you have realized beyond any doubt that we must be doing certain things wrong.

In other words, when we change things, things change us in return.

In other words, you risk getting bitten when you bite.

In other words, there will always be room for improvement.

In other words, you can do better.

All of us can.

Why don’t we?

Why would we allow our species to favor something that yields a detrimental deficit worldwide?

Our appropriate course of action charts a laughably straightforward destination to a magnificently better place.

In other words, instead of doing the thing that’s bad, we should do the thing that’s good, should we not? [Don’t answer that (if you’re wrong).]

What’s good can only mean improvement.

When you have something to say—here’s a thought—speak.

Raise your voice until you’re heard.

Just to reiterate, I hadn’t truly contemplated most of this information until recently.

Even if I “knew” any of it, I definitely didn’t understand it, and I think that’s because it had never been assembled in the right order for my anomalously curious brain to process.

A wealth of readily available, vital information hides in the dilution of plain sight.

In one ear, out the other.

Facts.
Science.
Math.
Gross.
School.
Blah.

What a shame because the universal truths that shape and fuel our reality are kind of important (to say write read the least).

By now, some might consider it embarrassing that we haven’t begun to get all this stuff pretty well globally sorted.

In other words, everyone on the planet lives here (obviously) and breathes the same gaseous elixir.

Earth’s atmosphere contains the mixture of greenhouse gases that allows us to breathe—in other words, to live. Without that barrier, that insulation, that safe haven, the vacuum of space would kill us all in seconds.

In other words, all life on earth would fade away.

So yes, we need our precious greenhouse gases to live, but we ought not mess with the precise concoction that sprung us free in the first place.

In other words, make sense.

A 100 ppm increase might not seem like much, but I guarantee you that in the game of life, it absolutely is.

A pebble thrown into still water can culminate in a tidal wave.

Would ya just look at that dumb blue squiggly line?

In other words, who the hell knows?!

At this point we’ve probably stopped fact-checking anyway.

Facts should be confused with neither beliefs nor opinions, both of which should always remain open changing in light of newfound facts.

In other words, learn how to be wise.

I don’t know everything, but I do know that somewhere between the whole of humankind, we already know enough to enter a period of enlightenment even more empowering than that time when our ancestors discovered fire and, most impressively, learned how to make it with their bare hands by persistently channeling the same kind of friction that energizes a lightning strike.

What is magic if not science as yet unexplained?

Where there’s water, fire may not be far behind.
Where there’s fire, there’s heat.
Where there’s heat, there’s friction.
Where there’s friction, there could be a spark.
Where there’s a spark, there could be chemistry.
And where there’s a spark, there’s light.
Where there’s a spark, too, there’s a pulsating electrical current.
Where there’s an electrical current, there’s electromagnetic radiation.
Where there’s electromagnetic radiation, there’s gravity.
And where there’s gravity, there’s a need to matter.

In other words, facts become increasingly obvious during reduction.

What does that even mean?

(Truly, who knows?{?/!})

In other words, we don’t!

Leave the horse be. Especially once it dies.

Wanna know if a horse is thirsty? Lead it to water. Should it die, don’t bother beating it.

Don’t.
Waste.
Time.

Because you can’t get it back.

038

Do Not Alight Here


In other words, keep going.

In other words, science sounds scientific.

In other words, the sound of silence may be felt but not heard.

Since the sun is a machine that converts hydrogen gas into helium, it stands to reason that black holes dark orbs mirror the absolute beast which reduces and liquefies all before banishing matter to an impressive abyss where—since light refuses to venture there—everything solidifies barring ejection into a potentially endless fall.

In other words, Medusa is a real meanie.

In other words, who the hell knows?

But you do understand why things might heat up at some point while trying to achieve the impossible.

The erosive effect caused by nothing’s hopeless quest to delete itself from being gives rise to things and stuff.

Ponder the futility of striving to remove something that isn’t even there in the first place.

If no thing’s around, then nothing exists.

What exists must energize.
Energy moves.
Movement heats.
Dominoes fall.

Existence basically maps a complex network of cyclical conversion each way.

It’s an underlying, ongoing, intensifying, everlasting, awe-inspiring process that imbues progress with the possibility to produce profound profession atop precipitous possibility.
It’s kind of where we came from.
It had to be.
It’s why I’ve thought all my thoughts that I continue rethinking.

Every time, it fits—each time more snugly than the last.

Hydrogen pooled its resources and made helium, the source of light/heat within the omnipotent, almighty sun.
Within all the stars in the universe.

In more ways than one, we really are light.

Heat, fuel, sparks, warmth, energy, fire, matter, time—stuff to take and make, loads of things to do, places to go, people to see, and finally room to breathe.

Together, we occupy space for the pulsing beat that moves chaos, a place for disorderly conduct and emotive outbursts, gathering storms over pooling resources, sure footing on cresting waves, a communal way of life, a meaningful energy, a purposeful existence, a need for speed, flavors to forget or remember, experiences to taste and waste, internal combustion, caloric intake, metabolic outtake, things to work in and push out, currency to inflate, an inspired movement, fertile creation, and the chance to hope for luck, all in brilliant living color as a new moment in time unfolds every single solitary nanosecond.

In other words, we got lit!

You’ve surely never been more alive than you are now.

The time has come to get busy living.

Hydroelectric regeneration.
In other words, the genesis of hydrogen.

Life has been leaving breadcrumbs and documenting answers since the get-go.

We each belong to a certain generation.

We also all belong to a single generation.

No matter who you are, we embody, fuel, and motivate Generation Water.

We’re all on the same team.

“Gee Dubs for life,” some may {not} say.

Perhaps the thing that made us has the right stuff to save us.

We should be sourcing more energy from the surefire resource that always falls at some point in time after going up.

Water.

In other words, we should be prioritizing the penultimate molecule that keeps us from dying only just below breathable oxygen, its complementarily airborne counterpart.

There are two types of people in this world—those who fear the unknown, and those who let it excite them.

Be the type that matters.

That’s that.
We’re pretty much done here for now.
The time has come to start.
Here it is.
Right now.
No, really, right.
Do it now.
Please?
Take charge.
Own yourself.
Make a difference and see the ripples radiate.
The other option is to sit still and watch the walls close in.
If you ask me, the choice basically makes itself.

We need to share.

The reason we share is so that we can exist, and the reason we exist is so that we can share. How can that be any more obvious?

All this madness really does boil down to simple physics.

The reason we can move is so that we may need.
Ready?
The next step is to set.
After that, we all know what to do.
We’ve known all along.

We should thank our lucky stars that we still have an opportunity to change for the better.

We are lucky to be alive.

Each moment represents a special occasion.

Pressure is unavoidable, but in concert we have access to all the time and energy we need.

Make a choice.

Keep in mind that if you don’t move, we all lose.

We.
Need.
To move.
Immediately.
Let’s fucking go.

This is for all the marbles in our universe.

In other words, I don’t know what I’m talking about.

In other words, this could be, in actual fact, just maybe, for all intents and purposes, what I’ve been meaning to say.

Weirdly, I’ve managed to hear my way back in time.
I mean, right?
Ha!
Probably only for like, a minute, or whatever.
But still!
Blame atomic degradation.
Could the meaning of life be to remember where you came from?
Oh, the poetry of that.

What if you had been born yesterday?

What if, today, you woke up?

Better late than never, eh?

Indeed, rising too rapidly forecasts disaster, and this fact remains in spite of individual interpretation.

Our long, colorful, storied history has already been traced.

We didn’t do this on our own. Nor can we go it alone.

In fact, all alone, we cannot be.

Here’s the deal.

Life evolved at the bottom of the ocean in the dark thanks, in part, to motherly instincts—in other words, sensitivity to light.

We already know that the modern human eye originally evolved to see underwater.

We do not suffer from gephyrophobia [fear of bridges].

Tell me you don’t feel the beat.
Tell me your heart has never bled.
Tell me we don’t have similar emotional responses to music.

Do the thing, y’all.
With the gaps.

How many devices can YOU name more complicated than the eye?
Just the one to which it connects, yes?
Use your brain.

We rose from the ocean thanks to a sensitivity to light.
We can’t get too close.
It’ll burn.
Tell me.
You’re not.
Sensitive.
To light. 
And don’t sound dumb.

While not sounding dumber, tell me evolution is fake.
Tell me it’s not real.

Even though you’ve seen all the things, tell me your eyes lied.

Tell me you haven’t personally evolved.

In another word, think.

Fine, I’ll spell it out.

In order to see, we had to feel, hear, smell, and taste.

The gift of sight doesn’t guarantee true perception.

Have you glimpsed the truth?




Crank up your imagination.
Listen to your heart.
Trust your intuition.
Open your eyes.
Try your luck.

With an open mind, your line of sight will naturally follow.

Look.

This is actually real.

We aren’t just on the same wavelength, people.
We are the same wavelength.
We embody the wavelength.

Tell me you don’t feel a hunger in your gut.
Tell me your life has gone according to plan.
Tell me curiosity does not linger.
Tell me something isn’t missing.

For the sake of argument, let’s pretend that you are not fumbling through space and time trying to make sense of your surroundings.

Tell me, then.

What in the hell are any of us doing?

We are trying to think back and remember where we came from so that we will realize what we are.

Back when we were just trying to matter.
Back when we were pure.

In other words, remember that shit??

Know why dogs are man’s best friend? Because they only want to lead you to safety.

How would you describe the natural instinct you feel toward the ones you hold most dear?

Is there anything you wouldn’t do for your kinfolk?

In other words, dogs love you because you’re family, not because you feed them.

In other words, family provides more comfort than food.

Tell me you’ve never seen a dog showing off.

In other words, tell me you’ve never seen the light in their eyes.

Speaking of feline temperament, cats must stick around only because we feed them.

In other words, in the eyes of a pussy, humans are a contingency plan.

In other words, a kitty’s affection is conditional.

In other words, this just in, apples are NOT, in fact, oranges.

In OTHER words, a girl’s love depends on a boy’s loyalty.

Ohh.

No wonder we’ve always been cripplingly enamored with love.

I’m messing with you.

But you do know that your the mind exists separately from your body, right?

Surely by now you’ve felt that.

Think back on your life.

Who are you?

We know who you are.

You are who we have always been.

If you were forced to choose right now between one or the other, would you rather have a new body or a new mind?

You are not the bag of bony, fleshy water you carry around.
You’re the other thing.
You’re in control.
Nice!
Now what?
Don’t look at me.
I’m as lost as ever!

Think of it thus. I went spelunking inside my head. I got turned around. I need help finding my way outta this mess of 86 billion neurons or so. These words chain together and form the rope tied to my waist. I fear that I’m not strong enough to remain alone in the dark for much longer.

Find me.

Please, if you will.

Especially if I’m delusional.
Especially if I’m not.

In 2018, the switch in my head would flip.
In 2019, we should start figuring it out.
Could there be a more perfect first year than 2020 for our collective vision to see racial unification?

In conclusive summary, emotion equals your brain at the speed of thought2.

I know for a fact that I don’t understand all this crap.
I just feel like I know where to point—

044

The Official Issuance of a Challenge That Could Be Accepted Sometime Never, Maybe


Ambiguous, thick, largely inaccessible {to the average intellect} section about me:

Should I have known that Thierry’s father not only grew up a lucky orphan in a charming haven near the Scottish border, but also that he made himself a hard-working, easily amused Englishman who lived by the seat of his pants into adulthood? Early in life, Papa D learned about the nutritional benefits specific to bivalves (namely mussels and scallops [nothing against clams {at least not fundamentally}]). To protect his anonymity, [&] henceforth, I’ll call him (some derivative of) Daniel. His childhood isn’t sad—he enjoyed good health in daily life well into his sixties. [REDACTED] Before the arbitrary legal assignment of “adulthood,” the old chap whose crooning yarn spins upon our fortunate wheel of procedurally generated time, her future father happily let himself get swept away to Ireland alongside his more experienced {and more than apt to teach} bonnie lass [4 years his senior]. Never forget that my genetic coding dictates a colorful divergence from ordinarily wild perspectivity. I can’t think like you think; therefore, I will phrase things differently (even when we’re expressing the same thought/emotion). Evidently, their “X-rated” [you know, chromosomally] sexual primes overlapped in twisting trains of magnetic heat and fruitful passion. Madeleine [TNT] was the third of their five girls. Her “Daddy” [you remember Danny Boy, don’t you?] aligned his loyalty seasonally with a new underdog every year (in the Premier League). How could I possibly know this? A ladylike house of noble manner on the street, but a starving clan of poetic freaks between the sheeted lines of inaccessible exorbitance [REDACTED] through the linen pockets of cloudlike dreams upon the timed laps of luxurious oblivion[/oblivious luxury].

ARK
🤨

Now I have a story to tell about another. It goes like this.

So. A rather simple boy—and for some reason, I‘d be skeptical of any tales suggesting that he came into the world “very quickly and very easily” [oops, is this a spoiler?]—born into a life of obscene wealth, and who grew cocky in his confidence of living consequence-free amidst a celebrated facade of savoring indignity through indignant behavior, whether by design or otherwise, has redefined the American presidency. Cool.

Oh, dang, this is real life? So cool.

Also, in case you missed a major point of underlying implication, yeah, I’m saying that he’s still a boy. Indeed, emotionally, #45 is a little. Period. Noun.

Also, in case you were wondering, yup, I would say all this to his face; the only “challenge” would be trying not to laugh (too much). I’m just kidding—I’ve learned not to suppress laughter; it’s involuntary and feels good, after all! I’m not joking. Plus I’m not that insensitive when it comes to children with special needs. I’m just/not kidding.

In fact, give me a stage with a podium and—in a debate that would haunt The Donald for the rest of his life—I’ll make allllllllll the fluids evacuate his tired, shitty body.

Wait, am I (still not) kidding?

Even when I kid, I’m serious.

“Just another day in paradox.”

Somewhere in here, a moral about quick and easy fixes beseeches our acknowledgment, but I can’t do all the work, okay? Use your own brain, dammit. Plus I feel weirdly drunk despite having not recently imbibed any yeasty byproducts. Blame the anomalous connectivity of my neural pathways if you must.

Ahem, to be crystal fucking clear, I am saying with profound certainty that yes, absolutely, 100%, I would make a better POTUS than Donald John Trump.

Then again, I’m also quite sure that so, too, would you.

And that’s the point.

A bumbling blind person stumbles and fumbles repeatedly in leading a loyal procession across an unforgiving desert—metaphorically speaking, obviously; don’t worry about it; gosh—while slinging sand across the many faces of the people who pledged to follow him over an undulating sea of endless dunes under a scorching sun?

Hard pass.

Put another way, hell naw.

And one day, he’ll know, too.

Postscript:

Yeah but for real gimme the opportunity to man an opposing podium and I’ll pummel his plump rump into an undignified, messy submission, and this is coming from the female voice of an illegal alien.

Mmhmm. Ouch.

“Come at me, bro.”

In case you were (not) wondering, no, Donald’s appearance in Wrestlemania 23 didn’t intimidate me.

Kissy face.

Addendum:

Words just come out of me, okay? Can’t help it. I thought I was about to take a breather, but while listening to the American President’s commencement address at West Point, my head got split wide open by a freshly brewed freight train of stormy brain-puke. May I never run out of steam. Here are the contents found inside only a handful of the boxcars.

• Half-serious question: has he ever a taken speech class, and if so, what grade was he given, was it above the letter G, and am I dead?

• Unbiased observation: he can no longer say “China” without inflecting underlying hostility.

• Hyperbolic take: he announced his administration’s plan to pump 2 trillion dollars into augmenting this country’s already obscenely loaded military. He even repeated the word “trillion” before blurting, “With a T.” First, what about the “r”? Second, from which magical money tree will those funds fruit? Please provide exact GPS coordinates because I might wanna punch my ticket to Mars. Because third, are we gearing up to murder the whole fucking PLANET??

• Recurring feeling: 🤢

• Conservative opinion: increasingly, and through the synergistic combination of both his limited vernacular and inflexible demeanor, he personifies, shall we say, a one-dimensional would-be tyrant. What you see? Yeah, that’s what we’re getting.

• Liberal assessment: he falls somewhere between a black-and-white caricature of himself and a little brown bag of feces that was dropped on our porch and set ablaze.

• Remotely polite, pointlessly direct address: Mr. Trump, you should immediately abandon the mindset that the pandemic is a war and by extension that the virus is our enemy. It confuses you. COVID-19 couldn’t care less how many fancy missiles you’re stockpiling, POTUS-45, because it is physically incapable of caring at all due to being a virus and thus it technically contains NOT ONE SINGLE CELL.

• Outburst of exasperation: GOD.

• Connected exclamation: Damn!

• A word as telling as it is stupid: ‘Merica!