The Quacking

hey, mr. deejay

Not long ago, life as I knew it came to an abrupt end. I guess I must need to vent. I’m probably overreacting. You’re probably okay.

Yes, I’m menstruating, and this one’s a real doozy.

And yep, recently I was rescued from an untimely death that I’m told would’ve been grislier than being mauled rapidly by a rabid grizzly.

This will infuriate some of you {depending on when you read whichever part of it}, and even though my points herein will soon be moot, I’m compelled to unload them anyway, perhaps largely due to the fact that my half-human traveling companion has showered me with nothing but support and encouragement. Also, he’s the one who gave me my own login credentials. Blame him. Yeah, that’s the ticket. Take it up with the sentient being who can literally bench-press a metric ton. That’ll surely get you somewhere.

We’re not even “on the run,” per se—not yet anyway. More so than that, we are biding our time. I have actually contributed to the strategy here. I suppose this makes me a strategist. Finally, I get to do some important work.

At present, we’re in a decent hotel room (somewhere on Earth) watching the impeachment hearings. Man, no wonder it takes so long to get anything done in Washington.

This isn’t really about that, though. This is about my take on the endless deluge of nonsense spat by your “leader of the free world.” This is about the person who fails ad nauseam to represent your best interests.

As his actions/words become less and less defensible, I’ve been seeing more and more social media posts regarding job approval ratings, unemployment rates, GDP growth, quotes misattributed to Clint Eastwood, a teary-eyed blonde girl yelling/pointing at a dinner-tabled white kitty, so on and so forth.

Translation
“I give a hoot neither how I get my money nor where it comes from; my bottom line is all that matters. ‘Merica!”

Rephrasing
“I don’t care that DJ Trump is an embarrassingly vapid, shallow buffoon because I heard that the economy is in great shape and everything is fine and something about Dow Jones is good or whatever—for the Fox News tells me so. Also memes are so hilarious and informative and fun to share! Weeeeeeeee.”

Sarcastic Commentary
Neat. I’m sure such a mindset portends absolutely no unsavory consequences down the road for you and/or your kinfolk.

Rhetorical Inquiry
Where do you draw the line? How childishly must one Commander in Chief behave before you actually care what a foolish tool he is?

Hyperbolic Advice
Stop being a selfish parrot; instead, open your eyes, lest your voluntary coma transform into an inescapable prison wrought with a radiating sense of profound loss.

Anything you perceive to be good now will spoil later. It’s an awfully inconvenient universal law, I know. I didn’t make the rules; otherwise, I’d be a magically flying (tele{kinetic/pathic}) planeswalker. But even the supposed health of your pocketbook is susceptible to rot. Toss something up and eventually—guess what—it’s coming down.

Border wall or not, you’re not safe here. Build a fence and guess what else—you make more people wonder what’s beyond the barrier. More outsiders want inside. Unwanted attention, you see, has been known to stoke inadvertently created flames of desperate attraction. A big-ass wall certainly won’t stave off the forthcoming Galacian invasion, The Belanoc already base their disorganized operations from here, and regarding “illegal (human) aliens,” there will always be cracks through which to slip.

“Look here, everybody: a Mexican killed a citizen on our soil; therefore, all foreigners are demons and ‘My President’ is a demigod and coal is clean. Give ‘em hell, Trump! Get some, Dems!”

Hang on—I just palmed my face off and need time to recover.

The Trumpster “gives ‘em hell” because he’s neither knowledgeable nor intelligent enough to debate anything. Here’s a direct, word-for-word, transcribed quote:

One of the problems that a lot of people like myself—we have very high levels of intelligence, but we’re not necessarily such believers. You look at our air and our water, and it’s right now at a record clean. But when you look at China and you look at parts of Asia and when you look at South America, and when you look at many other places in this world, including Russia, including—just many other places—the air is incredibly dirty. And when you’re talking about an atmosphere, oceans are very small. And it blows over and it sails over. I mean, we take thousands of tons of garbage off our beaches all the time that comes over from Asia. It just flows right down the Pacific, it flows, and we say where does this come from. And it takes many people to start off with.

Donald John Trump, November, 2018

Legit just lost two years of life from re-reading that verbal disaster. Might’ve had a minor stroke as well. Or maybe I just fell into a carefully calculated Trump-trap wherein he gave me hell. I need a nap now.

Yeah, butcept...economy and monies!

Stoppppppp. Your president is a clueless, spoiled, selfish, giant idiot-man-baby.

For a moment, if you dare (and are capable), forget your political affiliation. Just set that aside for a minute. Forget the state of affairs in the United States. Pretend we live in your personal best concept of a utopia. Forget about the economy. Pretend global wealth is a bit more evenly distributed. Further, forget who’s POTUS. Forget that he starred in a reality television series about firing people. Forget that he inherited his father’s preposterous wealth. Forget that his companies have filed for bankruptcy six times. Forget you’ve ever even heard of the fellow and focus on the following fact: we are contemplating a sentient being who alleged that “oceans are very small.”

Okay, now stop pretending and remember everything I asked you to forget. Shouldn’t the person who occupies the most powerful seat in the world be a little smarter than that?

Technically, I might not be American, but I assure you, I’m the opposite of un-American. I’m anti-partisanship. Most notably, I’m very much pro-humanity.

God, you people are killing me/us. Yes, YOU people. When I write “YOU,” am I referring to you? I dunno; you tell me. If I am, then you may choose to take offense if doing so cranks your tractor; clearly I stopped giving a shit at some point before opting to drop this outburst into the oblivious cesspool.

Hmm, how many “empires” can you think of—by any loose definition of the word—that didn’t ultimately crumble? Earth War One’s inevitable onset notwithstanding, your blind tribalism, brazen greed, and willful ignorance will bite back eventually, and it shall hurt.

It’ll hurt us all.

But hey, as long as you can afford a bunch of shit you don’t need, fuck it, amirite?

Wrong. From anywhere, physically, there is but one way forward and, queerly enough, it’s not backward. Go figure. Be right. Do good.

PS: the dog is safe, and you’ll never guess who very happily has taken custody.