TagScience

27.

fire!

The Story of “God”

The four posts marked [in the interim] were queued in advance—cannibalized from a book meant to be a prequel—meaning we could be dead as you read them/this; hope not, though!

Alarm you?

Gosh, I don’t mean to do that, but we should brace for impact, and quickly. First, though, let us cut to the chase. Let’s slice right to the heart of the matter in question. Let’s work toward the root of the problem. Let’s dig out the meat of the situation. We need to uncover, unravel, unmask, untangle, and unbind the parts of reality we all share.

Oh, hey, how many ideas do we accept on the basis of misguided faith or blind trust? How many thoughts have we inherited from colleagues? How many opinions have we adopted from friends? How many beliefs have been absorbed by families thanks to little more than geography?

At some point (in time) sooner or later, I strongly advise taking detailed inventory of your thoughts, ideas, opinions, and beliefs.

Of all the ideas in your head, what percentage did you arrive at on your own?

We should be asking more questions.

I’ll start.

Who doesn’t enjoy a fatty, greasy, salty serving of crispy bacon?

What an incredibly pleasurable taste.

It’s even delicious cold.
It’s even delicious covered in chocolate.
It’s even delicious wrapped around all the foods that ever fed.

I’ve probably eaten enough bacon for a lifetime or two.

I’ll never eat it again.

And, unlike you, a natural hunger for flesh actually does twirl part of my deoxyribonucleic acid.

Hypothetically only, when presented with a mandatory choice between perfectly cooked cuts of bacon and a human hypothalamus and/or pituitary gland, assuming the dishes had already been prepared [I’d eat the burnt swine flesh over killing somebody in this instance], you may not want to know which I’d choose.

In a Siberian survival scenario in 2011, I might’ve sampled a few choice parts of a polar bear’s brain. The starving creature ambushed me while I napped for the first time in 51 hours. In those days, I slept with my warm hand extra tight on Halcyon’s cold hilt, so the poor animal was dead before either of us had time to process what was happening. That was a dark time of reckless abandon for me—I’d felt loneliness and fear before, but never simultaneously (and only after the fact)—however, the energy and knowledge I absorbed from my march across Russia might’ve kept me from dying later.

Napoleon must have been an arrogant buffoon.

To survive arctic conditions, one must possess the mental capacity to plan ahead seasonally while troubleshooting problems daily. The superficial ability to blend in with the environment [i.e. being white] helps, too.

I am very pale.

Where I come from, snow isn’t fun. It just is. Wintry weather becomes fun after you’re removed from it for awhile. Truly, I desperately miss fresh powder at high altitudes.

I’ve very rarely missed anything.

Nothing.

Ever.

Have you ever pondered the climate on the earth 10,000 years ago? What about 100,000? What about 1,000,000?

What about 1 (year ago)?

Pondering anything requires a base of knowledge and willingness to think. I suspect this is why more and more humans choose to abstain from the process. What a shame. Similar to how the reward for exploration is discovery and quite like a process of creation, thinking is an act that rewards itself—singing with your noodle burns calories for which your body/brain demands replacement. That’s called hunger. When people (in the U.S. especially) get hungry, they eat “food” that upends their potential to process thoughts—another cycle that feeds itself and worsens over time unbeknownst to almost all citizens/participants.

Fear not! Humankind’s idiotic brilliance has led to forestalling the next glacial period indefinitely.

In the past million years or so, the earth has experienced a predictable pattern of glacial periods [“Ice Ages”] that have lasted roughly 100,000 years and concluded with a time of interglacial warmth and growth that tends to last only over 20% as long.

The most recent glacial period subsided approximately 15,000 years ago. 

Our most ancient human ancestors managed the daunting task of evolving through the worst part of an Ice Age.

Technically, we’re still in it, the end of its life cycle, the warmest segment.

We live in a time known as the Holocene.

Hungering, assumedly.

Do you know the trick to removing yourself from the food chain? Develop the ability to create and control fire using only the sum of your body.

Wow!

I hope I get lucky enough to figure out how to choose words that properly explain (to you) how mindbogglingly insightful this should be to anyone.

Name one time of enlightenment in human history more profound than the discovery of fire.

(Can you yet?)

Folks, we evolved through a lengthy period of cold darkness on top of already dark coldness.

Piled atop that, approximately 75,000 years ago, our common ancestors survived an incomprehensibly catastrophic eruption from a supervolcano (known as the Toba caldera). Whether this event pushed humankind to the brink of extinction has been hotly contested, curiously enough, so let’s skip that debate and focus on what is known, which is that it resulted in several years of volcanic winter [like nuclear, only minus the radiation], meaning the sun was hidden behind dense clouds of dust, ash, and debris.

In other words, there was a lot more dying than living.

Also, let’s get a handle on the term “radiation” because it has gotten a needlessly bad rap. Even the words “ultraviolet” and “thermonuclear” are ignorantly feared. In language, we give up on too many terms without giving them another thought. I’ve lived long enough to know for certain that each thought deserves at least a second pass.

Go on. Think of anything that radiates.

Take any number of moments to spelunk your own memory banks.

Use your brain before a capable predator drinks it like a milkshake.

What radiates?

Insert original ideas now as your consumption of the next sentence has been delayed {with your permission, I might add} by remaining here as you anticipate the dot your periphery may glimpse ahead of its landing right about now.

Whatever thought you hatched pertaining to radiation—how many of those words carry a negative connotation?

As a human being, you can’t help but radiate warmth, which means being cold is unnatural.

In other words, you need to radiate, human reader. If you’re galacian or belanockian, I can only wonder know what you must be thinking {wink wink}.

I do(n’t )care who you are: reading this book work will only confirm what you’ve known all along.

Imagine being alive back in ancient times, living where all the snow almost melted during the hottest summer month, and there’s this amazing thing you’ve seen that you wish you could possess—a magical, bright, untouchable material that melts icy darkness.

Naturally you’d assume you can’t just make the stuff by exerting the power stored inside your body.

Now imagine the miraculous stuff in question is fire.

Now imagine you discover how to conjure it by gathering wood, kneeling down, and rubbing your hands together super fast.

Friction means heat.

I don’t wanna freak you out, but (literally) fire lives inside you.

Often, I find myself incredibly compelled {as you (may) know by surviving however many pages words preceded this one these} to rephrase and repeat certain thoughts in an effort to connect ideas with more people.

In other words [case in point], important concepts will be repeated using alternate terminology.

Language is funny like that.

Say something to people one way and listen to crickets chirp silently in their brains, but say the same thing in different words and watch their heads explode.

A male, quite like mail, is prone to taking flight and/or being sent off.

Have you ever seen anyone make fire by friction using a hand {or, hell, a bow} drill and a hearth board? If you’ve seen your author [me] do it—I dunno, on the internet perhaps—disregard that moving image because I certainly make fire-creation look far too easy; laughable, even!

Have you ever seen anyone (besides me) make fire by friction using a hand drill and a hearth board?

Golly, at a glance, it almost resembles kneeling down in prayer.

You don’t even need a visual aid.

Your brain already handled it.

I must admit, I wonder what would make anyone ignorant of the technique try it in the first place, but tell me your head would not explode when you saw smoke.

How might ancient man have stumbled upon the technique that births fire by friction?
– attempting to sharpen a spear
– shelter construction—trying to cram something where it wouldn’t fit
– struggling to file down a troublesome toenail
– making a bed rock
– pure madness

Back to our hypothetical tale about your accidental discovery of fire.

Whatever you’re doing (back in the day and in this story), let’s say you’re doing it aggressively enough that the point of contact starts smoking.

Heh. Bet you keep going.

Ha! Bet you even accelerate.

“Gotta go fast,” right?

Imagine your reaction when you see a speck of light—in other words, when you become transfixed by the sight of a burning ember—before (either a serendipitous gust of wind or) exhaustion evokes a heavy breath of fate that transforms your smoldering seed into flickering flames.

It’d be like figuring out how to see the 10th color, or feeling infrasound, or casting lightning bolts from your fingertips.

You’ll freak out.

Think about it!

You bow down, rub your hands together, alakazam, now you’re a god.

No matter how you look at it, fire liberates light, the savior of ancient man, the seed of cosmic enlightenment, then shines in darkness while rising from ashes.

Almost like a brain coming online.

Or a computer booting up.

My, my, what a collection of stories that would make.

Imagine when you realized that you could think.

We’ve all done it once.

Remember that? The revelatory moment when you became aware of yourself?

I wonder why we can’t remember.

Can you imagine what it must have been like to be the first person ever to walk on two legs, or to be among the first people to open their mouths and speak to each other?

There’s a first time for everything, yes?

Imagine being the first human to carry a torch. You could walk through a jungle and keep “monsters” at bay. You could lead a group into the wild during an enduringly bleak period of time which featured big scary shapes frozen in dark ice. But, hey {again}, at least you could glow in the dark and radiate warmth to boot.

Do you see what’s happening?

You’re like a wizard with a fireball staff.

You’ll be worshipped, for Christ’s sake!

People would actually kneel at your feet.

Good job—you’ve imagined what it must be like to become a Fire God.

Now imagine seeing the sun for the first time in years once a long volcanic winter subsided.

All the while, your brain functions well enough to recall how to generate an ember.

And then imagine finally coming out of a glacial period [the most recent one, in fact].

What a difference fire made under the stars back then when our planet teemed with all sorts of curious growth and suddenly brave lifeforms.

Can you imagine? You’d get to name all kinds of new stuff.

“Psst, what should we call that thing?”
“Clearly we should label it a ‘humpadub’.”
“Wouldn’t ‘camel’ make more sense?”
“Sure!”

What if these stories were told over and over across generations of people throughout tens of thousands of years by way of a million different grunts, gestures, syllables, interpretations, renderings on cave walls, symbols, signs, eventually spoken for hundreds upon hundreds of centuries before finally being written, deciphered, translated, and fought over time after time again and again.

I wonder if, as the years crept by and added (way) up, those tales would deviate from their original source, or, if you will [please and thank you], their “genesis”—especially the stories about learning how to use our melons, and the part about a cold, hungry, desperate man praying to the God of Frictious.

I just pulled that outta your ass.

I wonder if any such story would sort of, um, what’s the word we’re looking for here—merge, fuse, overlap, entwine, compound, exaggerate, expand, explode, spread, collide, twist and turn?

We’re only wondering, “What if?”

Have you ever played the game “Telephone,” the one where you whisper a message around a group of people and see what comes out at the end? Personally I haven’t played since the heyday of my Rocky Mountain daze, but I’ve always found the concept immensely amusing.

What starts as “planet of the apes” can end as “pet an apple, bite the snakes.”

To cite a particularly fond memory from an extraordinarily festive New Years Eve (in 1969), “Stevie smells like fish poo.” I doubt this was true, but reactions around the table didn’t do anything to discredit the declaration.

By the by, throughout this fake piece of real work, names may or may not have been changed to protect the innocent—as well as to precipitate disorientation as far as which elements are (auto)biographical.

Anyhoo, do you reckon maybe a sea could have been ever been parted by a man’s telekinesis?

I suppose that first I should have asked whether you reckon a man could possess any telekinetic abilities.

Perhaps now you’re wondering why I didn’t edit accordingly.

Perhaps next time {a.k.a. one day} you’ll know.

How else will we ever learn from each other?

No, Moses could not have parted the sea like you’ve been led to believe, but I’ll bet that a “land bridge” was crossed.

Now, having been bewildered into making logical deductions, keep going!

What if our ancestors discovered such a formation of land at high tide?

What if, then, they had the wherewithal to wait for low tide?

“What is this, I can’t even…”

“Relax, for the sea itself merely parts.”

That would be cool to see.

Or what if you felt the earth quake and saw the ground split at your feet?

There’s no telling how I’d react to that if I were -50,000 years old or so. I would probably scream {the high-pitched kind—think Marv in Home Alone}.

What if an adventurous spirit led you away from the Fertile Crescent and into a Great Pyramid?

This would certainly incentivize further exploration, no?

The word genesis simply means the origin, coming together, or beginning of anything.

Kind of like, say, when two people unite and become parents.

Do you know how many possible DNA combinations can assemble between parents?

According to the invisible web both worldly and wide, it’s around 2 x 10^-8 per base pair per replication event.

You might have no idea what that means, but it seems to imply an origin point of infinite possibility, wouldn’t you say?

The world sells division.

Besides anything, what all does the neighboring image symbolize?

Hmm.

Oh, incidentally, have you ever read a little book called Genesis?

Do you know how many different (major) religions subscribe to it?

I think you should read it (again).

I might have read it (once) before this year, but honestly I can’t remember.

In the beginning when God created the heavens and the earth, the earth was a formless void and darkness [ahem, oceans of space, seas of ice, or the mind prior to connection] covered the face of the deep [illusory shapes in glaciers], while a [solar] wind from God [light] swept over the face of the waters [melting ice]. Then God said, “Let there be light”; [receding dust cloud, blossoming warmth, gaining sense of sight last] and there was light [sunlight, or a brain before initialization]. And God saw that the light was good; and God separated the light from the darkness. God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day. And God said, “Let there be a dome in the midst of the waters, and let it separate the waters from the waters.”

It goes on and on.

Drop your guard, read, and think.

It won’t hurt.

This isn’t a dare; quite rather, it’s an earnest plea.

I need (your) help.

Think.

Read.

Think again.

You can’t miss it…

What if The Old Testament opens with “God’s” flavorful spin on “His” timely tale of language in its infancy on our planet while chronicling the budding fruit from sentient momentum within a booming tribe of early humans?

What if the mind began its journey toward awakening during an epic volcanic winter, and/or right as an age of ice began thawing?

The beginning of Genesis can should be read as if the character named “God” is selecting words to describe basic stuff and things. If you keep reading, you’ll learn about how the earliest humans noticed the horizon and the two “great lights” in the day and night skies. Read about when our ancient ancestors found a treasure inside fruit, buried their seeds, took notice of sprouts growing in both fertile soil and bellies, as well as when they detected seasonal changes in climate and weather, observed the importance of water through farming, so on and so forth.

Has it dawned on you yet?

Consider the possibility [no one has to know but us] and ask, “What if?”

There’s a lot of truth in these words, but there’s also a lot of conjecture based (up)on the onset of facts.

We need to be rethinking archaic sources of current knowledge. There’s just no damn way we got it all right. We didn’t get everything right in the last year, or decade, or century, let alone in the last millennium. You can bet my bottom dollar that most of us screwed up yesterday at least once.

Things People Used To Do and Considered To Be Completely Normal
1) Smoke on airplanes. (1990)
2) Cure mental illness with an ice pick into the eye socket. (1946)
3) Sell heroin as cough medicine. (1924)
4) Used rocks to wipe butts. (Ancient Greece)
5) Believed that God gave a donkey the power of speech. (Biblical)


What if you could travel back to Ancient Egypt and show the people of the time a few clips of Mr. Ed on your phone? One can only imagine how they might react.

Incidentally for any young folks who might be reading this, Mr. Ed was a talking horse on a television show from the sixties. For any adults who think this elaboration is unnecessary, I’ve met kids who have never heard of Michael Jackson. Similarly, I’ve met adults who don’t know what “yolo” means.

In other words, we possess the knowhow that will allow us to bridge these troublesome gaps.

What if “God” were an ancient leader of man—the biggest, strongest, tallest [“most high”], and the brightest—an alpha male among the first tribes {if not the first} of our kind to start thinking hard enough to “talk”?

And wouldn’t it stand to reason that he was the only one around who could make fire?

How would his awestruck followers know whether others around the world had made fire before? It’s not like they could’ve seen it on Instagram. They wouldn’t even know how big the earth is, or that it’s (undeniably) round. They’d assume they were at the center of everything there is!

Of course they would.

All children start out believing that.

Most Americans (seem to) believe it now.

You should peruse the text acknowledged by Christianity, Judaism, and Islam because it seems to tell the obviously vague tale, in parts, about the very first of humankind discovering how to rise above, literally and figuratively, by standing upright and learning to reach out toward our heavenly dome of fluffy, white clouds.

Page after page chronicles the beginning of energetically vibrational communication [a.k.a. spoken language], recounting the times we figured out ways to think, look, handle, have, hold, crawl, climb, see, stand, count, fall, remember, rise, balance, walk, love, stumble, hate, plan, retry, run, explore, fire, conquer, everything, all of it—in other words, how to be a goddamned human.

In other words, it’s about people learning how to see the light in one another.

In even more words, it parallels a newborn’s emergence from the safety of the womb throughout training to walk.

And in even more other words, it reflects the time our brains booted up and, more importantly, when our imaginations escaped a long hibernation.

It also relays a story about when one of humanity’s inaugural tribes assigned labels to basic material while deciding what matters most.

Also, in a way, it describes the birth of our universe, back when light built up enough mass to escape gravity with a quantum bang that established the patterns exhibited by either a volcanic burst or an ecstatic little eruption.

Maybe we’re wrong.

About everything.

Maybe we’re missing something crucial.

Maybe I just don’t wanna die.

Maybe my head is twisting facts in an effort to make sense of the universe as I see it, scrambling blindly in a naive attempt to fully grasp my own personal reality.

But what if we are right?

When you feel a revelation bubbling up, I’ve learned that it’s best not to fight it.

For the sake of argument, let’s assume that man created God in his image.

God was the alpha among the first of mankind.

He became the stuff of legends.

God is humankind.

In other words, “He” accidentally invented tribalism and artificial selection at the same time.

In other words, intelligence is artificial.

In other words, thinking is an artform.

Together we are writing the ongoing saga of an intergalactically legendary lifeform.

You’re all people, people!

We learned how to think.

We’re way ahead of schedule {but behind the curve}.

If we’re in a simulation, it’s ours.

What we get is what we make.

Reaping equates with sowing.

I wonder if we should shape up.

We need to wake up.

Just think.

What if?

Light is god.

If opinions can rightly turn out to be wrong, then obviously so can beliefs.

I have to assume that in the educated eyes of many a scholar, fire was the most enlightening discovery in human history.

In my opinion {the value of which is debatable}, fire wins the silver medal.

I believe there was, in fact, a golden age more enlightening than that—the time we learned how to use our heads and stand on our own two feet—it was as if, oh, I dunno, a light bulb came on in our brains. Without that lucky stroke of brilliant, critical thinking, our ancestors couldn’t have reached the point of controlling fire.

She and he, who spread the warmest love amidst an age of frigid darkness.

I must believe, too, that a brand new age of enlightened clarity will take hold and fan out across the globe on its way to quickly and easily earning the gold [(poetically) in 2020].

Important.

But where there’s one thing, there’s the other.

Where there’s good, there’s also bad.

Before our ancestors started running their mouths, they developed a greedy taste for power in the face of food scarcity {understandably}, so they went a little nuts, bit by bit, striving for meaningful purpose while longing for and cultivating the fruits of our passionate labor, which, in my opinion, should definitely include taking care of our shared mother [Earth].

Genesis can apply to all the most enlightening miracles in human history.

God has become what many of us now know as humanity.

God is light.

We are God. Each and every one of us.

Once unified, “we” become light.

And we may go forth with harmonic success only as one.

All together.

It’s just you and me down here.

How we doin’?

Differences.

Compelling similarities exist between the dawn of our universe, the explosion of light’s time, the formation of stars, galaxies, black holes [dark orbs], solar systems, planets, the moon’s run-in with Earth, the cycle of tides stirring carbon into oxygenated soup, earthquakes and volcanoes, fluctuations in climate and weather, photosynthesis and respiration, the circle of life, the rise of mankind, a hunger for power, connections across species, differences (and similarities) between the sexes, the creation of offspring, the birth of a child, the development and advancement of civilization, and ignition of a/the human brain.

And to think that we figured religion and science couldn’t get along because of irreconcilable differences. What if it turns out that in some ways, both have been right all along?

Still, I wonder if any parts of those ancient stories might have been lost in translation.

That would only make sense, I guess.

Nah, we probably nailed them all.

Right?

Either way, the good ole Bible can be seen as a truly useful, brilliantly informative anthropological anthology. I look forward to reading all the new interpretations of ancient texts from various people all over the world; I am no more interested in doing all the work than I am inclined to steal all the thunder. I’ve identified inescapably essential value in sharing. Plus I’m sincerely glad that so many moral compasses and sets of belief all start on the same page pointed in the right direction—the same way that time goes.

Hurrah, congruence!

Thanks, first people to start thinking, and to figure out how to count!

Thanks, too, first lady who ever spoke and wrote, first guy who ever walked, first person who ever talked, first girl who ever sang, and the first player who ever invented a game.

Appreciate it!

This isn’t meant to ruffle feathers.

It’s really simple.

If you believe in God as an omnipotent being, then you believe in magic.

Which is fine, but we all need to stop calling spades anything but what they are. (Spades are spades.)

If you believe in magic, then you may as well assume that Harry Potter is/was real, too.

Also fine.

Seriously.

Hell, in a way, Harry Potter is real.

I neither judge nor mean to belittle any belief.

Your beliefs are your own.

Own your beliefs.

If you believe in something, then act like it.

Why would anyone begrudgingly sit through church hungover?

If you claim to believe something and act like you don’t, the logical conclusion is that you don’t believe in what you claim to believe in.

Why would people claim to believe in a cause that, deep down, they reject?

Tribalism.

It’s in our blood.

We are social creatures.

In other words, human beings need help from each other in order to progress.

Just like all life, we have to move.

We need (in order) to move.

If we don’t move forward, then we tend to fall backwards.

Just look at what social media is doing to average intelligence.

Too many people don’t think anymore; instead, they cherrypick opinions which fit the narrative threads that inspire them to sew into being.

We should not pick cherries; rather, we should let them release naturally from their branches.

Then we should gather.

For a multitude of reasons, too many people act like something they’re not.

That’s the opinion that has fallen into my lap, anyway.

Being human taxes the classic trio of “mind, body, and soul.”

We need to feel a sense of belonging.

Humans must work for a community in which they serve a purpose and through which they strive toward meaningful fulfillment.

We need to recognize this pattern or the States will eventually have to remove the word “United” from the country’s name.

Wouldn’t a unified global community be far superior to 195(-197) politically clashing countries?

If your beliefs provide your life with a helpful structure and make you a better person for it, then I think you’re doing it right. Doesn’t matter if you believe alien lizard people are coming any day now to scoop you up in their mothership and take you home to the Andromeda Galaxy. As long as you don’t convince your followers to don purple Nikes and then orchestrate a mass suicide—in another worded interruption, as long as your beliefs equate with more good than harm—you should feel no shame.

My beliefs, even my wildest guesses, are supported by more factual data than any skewed belief in an omnipotent being that compels suicide bombers.

Muslims believe in the same god that both Jewish and Christian people worship, but most of them aren’t schoolboy-rapists posing as priests. Most clergymen aren’t rapists, either, but given the frequency of occurrence there, I’m pretty sure something’s off.

Which is Worse?

A Catholic who uses the priesthood to prey on children.A man who straps a bomb to his chest in the name of Allah.

I don’t know either.

The bigger the basket, the more bad eggs.

Like most Christians and Jews, most followers of Islam don’t believe in self-destruction in the name of mass murder.

In the name of diverging interpretations of a shared concept.

In the name of hate, fear, vengeance.

In the name of their “God.”

If your belief in the unbelievable is inescapable, then at least meet everyone else on common ground and stop being so intolerant of others.

Earth’s sandbox has enough room for all kinds of camps; She needn’t feel overcrowded.

➭➫➬

By mere definition, patterns may never exhibit any tendency if not for the flat refusal of deviation. Patterns can only deviate upon a binding oath to form a straight line pointing one (and the same) way.

Anytime you find yourself reading conceit into my carefully chosen words, just remember that you’re doing it wrong.

​Far be it from me to sideswipe anyone’s (date-of-birth-related) thunder, but I’m pretty sure I’ve entered the early stages of a late-blooming mental breakdown.

I might have lost sight of what “sarcasm” means.

Heyyy, how hard is to predict which day of the year will see the most lit fuses?

Personalities multiply by themselves.

RAWR.

Fire works because light works better and enlightenment works best.

It empowers.
It promotes unity.
It permits visibility.
It makes things happen.

Harnessing the currency of starlight surely must be superior to burning down the fuel stored in carbonized vegetation that can predate The Mesozoic Era.

In other words, if you could travel back in time to a swamp roughly over 250 million years ago, then you might run across coal in the form of an extinct forest before its decay {which then deposits peat on the way back} toward becoming what it is now.

In other words, time changes anything.

The lesson in this particular instance appears to be that we should commence exclusion in borrowing solar power directly from the present source as opposed to the indirect approach of sucking out old energy from fossilized remains.

Whenever you find my vernacular to be inaccessible, I’m sorry (because it portends my demise). I can’t help it. Keep in mind: I’ve been alive for almost a century, but I occupy the body of a thirty-something {super}human male.

At any given point in time, a living being contests with a fearsome foursome of ages: numerical, spiritual, physical, mental.

As a consequence of clinging desperately to outdated methodology, we are angering our already unstable foundation by bleeding it dry.

It’s a sleeping dog, and you know it has to be there for a reason.

The dumbest person in the history of brainpower knew that, even if he didn’t—or far more frighteningly doesn’t—realize it.

Glad we finally got it cleared up, though, because now the stage has been set for elaboration.

In the few decades leading through the turn of the millennium by a handful of years, Oklahoma registered less than 20 earthquakes.

Now compare that to the 888 that were measured in 2015 alone.

Some studies seek to link the process of fracking to the underlying cause.

On cue, other studies claim that wastewater disposal is the real culprit.

How often has{/have} pointing fingers promoted solidarity?

In both cases, essentially, problems are being buried deep below the surface.

Do we need to know how much dirt can fit under any given rug? I assure you, just as every rose has its thorn, every rug has its limit. Terms excel at coming up.

Who reckons that buried problems don’t eventually come back to haunt?

What has “The Blame Game” ever accomplished beyond cramming foots into mouths by way of mutually unintentional confessions from each party latching radically onto a competing story’s dilemma in question?

In other words, when people accuse each other of sole responsibility for the causes of any negative effect, whether blinded by the heat of a moment or undeterred despite honest reflection, it’s usually an emotionally charged exchange.

How logically do you behave when flying off the handle?

Causes.

Plural.

In other words, either way in the case of Oklahoma’s recent uptick in seismic activity, some bodies are injecting shit where it doesn’t belong.

Our gut tells us that this stinks.

My brain tells me that following the money could lead to the truth.

Our hearts tell us, deep down, that you certainly must agree.

What say we abruptly pivot and head off in another direction?

It already happened.
Obviously.

But I would like your retroactive blessing.

Ahh, greetings—yes, there you are. What a delight! I can almost smell your pheromones through the page.

Earth is the one and only planet we [humanity] have detected where fire can burn.

In other words, however mathematically improbable, our home turf might be the only place in “outer space” whereupon flames can ignite, let alone spread.

To exist, fire needs a double dose of oxygen {unlike H2O, which clearly leans on hydrogen for structural support}.

In other words, O2 serves as spacetime for flames.
In other words, fire needs oxygen to breathe.

Math is funny like that. It has a fondness for inversion. If you mess with one side of an equation, something tends to happen on the other.

Fire, water, ice.
Rock, paper, scissors.
Fire, the hottest thing since ice.
Water, the undeniable answer to fire, which melts ice.
Ice reflects light, which makes embers.
Triangular relationships abound.
Life abides.

Let’s not forget water’s gassy form, a.k.a. vapor {or water on the way up}.
Though you may not see it, it’s always around you, reflected in a measurement we (might) call humidity.

And it’s all fundamentally integral to the cycle of life on the “pale blue dot” known in some circles as “Earth.”

The key arrow points toward a prismatically mirrored image of the three-headed spirit animal watching over the cosmic population bound to race against the clock that matters throughout our indefinite suspension of both time and disbelief.

Does that sound kinda kooky or nah?

As I may or may not have mentioned by now—honestly, in our non-linear plotline, it’s nigh impossible to keep track—he is not a human. He’s neither a galacian nor a belanoc, either. But he is a he.

We’re the only ones of our kind{s}.

In other words, I’m (a) lone(r).

My birth mother, Liana Rex, was {before her defection} the one and only Galacian Princess. To draw her affectionate attention, my father must have been a quiet but gifted human with a sharp, dry wit—a diamond in the rough, as I’m sure she saw him.

Evidently T ‘N A were the happiest accidents in history.

I can’t begin to tell you how crazy it is that “our people” knew about the belanoc decades before catching wind of The GE.

Clearly, since I began telling you, I may have misled you.

It’s actually not crazy at all. The inverse order of discovery would’ve been “crazy” because whether thinking back or trudging ahead, we can best learn sequential steps in (the correct) order.

Think of the belanoc as the more emotional members of galacian society—the prison population, as it were in truth—and now they enjoy their freedom while slowly fanning out and drifting south along their path toward adaptation to ultraviolet radiation.

Genetically, you see, galacians are ill-equipped to tolerate prolonged exposure to UV rays. That’s the reason they prefer extremely cold weather, low altitudes [they can barely get enough oxygen at sea level], and why they (generally) only come out at night.

Yes, these surely are the living creatures that inspire vampire mythology.

However, I can confirm from {reliably instanced reports of innumerable} firsthand experience, that should you ever encounter a galacian in the wild—particularly a hungry sort—you’ll wish it were only a vampire. Galacian/belanockian fangs have evolved to administer the most paralytic toxin on earth, and unlike “vampires,” g/b don’t care about your blood beyond spilling it by the pint. They only want to eat your brain, and ultimately (in order to optimize the redistribution of energy) they aim to begin feasting while you’re alive.

Most of us can relate: food is better fresh.

Let’s change the subject!

Disorderly, reflective “equalization”?

Here’s a fun couple of facts: the color spectrum is an example of a wavelength, and wavelengths reveal frequencies (of matter).

Within frequencies, patterns can be observed!

Given time, patterns will repeat.

(We’ve all seen history repeat itself.)

Seems to me that man got a taste for power after learning to create light by stumbling upon the solution to setting a fuel source ablaze while using his own body to harness energy through circular motion.

In other words, somebody got a big head when he figured out how to cook.

Us

To equip temporary power means to want everything indefinitely.

To want nothing you don’t need means to wield indefinite power.

Power means very little without anything of substance between the top’s bottom and the bottom’s top.

Willful ignorance of this reality might make a lot more sense if our concept of a pyramid were flipped, but as it stands tilting, it amounts to an abysmal lack of structural integrity.

See, this is why I think I know that the collapsing energy of existence starts its own cause known as gravity.

This could mean a lot of stuff and things.

Causes effect, effects cause.

Weird!

Gravity anchors and consumes, fire(light) vrooms and blooms. It’s just what they do. And we can’t do squat without either.

Extrapolating from this reality, you might say that we’d be well-advised to search for our collectively sole soul.

Energy instills the guts, light provides the nerve, and we need the combined power of both to move.

Every creature on the planet knows it.

We all know it.

That’s why we get hungry and eat food, or feed ourselves, or fuel our bodies, or gas our tanks, or charge our batteries, or energize our cores, or however you wanna express it.

Energy [everything] is the one thing anything needs [craves] more so than even nothing [perfect, if unfathomably boring, state of balance].

In other words, using energy yields a waste product commensurate to necessity.

In other words, shit happens.

At least we can still breathe with a closed nose.

Our cumulative brainpower might be too tangled up and twisted to make sense of it all right now, but eventually the knots will untie.

Whether we’re talking about wasting away, pigging out, getting busy, or sawing logs, we can all relate in one way or another.

You know that friction generates heat, and that heat rises. That’s physics, and no matter how much you claim to know about physics, you are dead wrong.

You know more.

You’ve felt the force in your body.

You can feel it right now through the power that keeps your feet on the ground.

In adverbial essence, we are nothing if not highly evolved, wildly fragmented, increasingly chaotic, intrinsically electrified energy.

We are what we eat, and yet here we are eating more and more obese cows.

Gobble me.

All the sugar in almost anything you find packaged on a shelf.

All this modified wheat.

In other words, we stuff our faces with toxins on purpose.

It’s bad for you. It’s bad for the planet.

In other words, believe it or not, what’s poisonous may poison us.

Funny how that works.

What’s good for you is also good for Earth. Lose/lose when it could (and still can) be win/win. The opportunity to recalibrate exists, but have you ever heard of a chance that didn’t eventually pass if not taken? Humans need to eat daily at most but should not graze like cattle.

Galacians eat once a month {as close to the new moon’s darkness as possible} unless they’re hibernating, in which case they could sleep for a thousand years before waking up, knocking off the cobwebs, and then returning to dreamland.

Belanoc are all over the map. Even under the bright blanket of a full moon on a clear night in highly reflective winter wonderlands, they will hunt. They can’t afford to care about your feelings—like us, they face a steep climb to avoid extinction.

Once targeted by either a galacian or a belanoc, not even the world’s fastest human (on steroids) could escape. The only difference between these two apex predators is that you’ll likely never see the galacian coming; whereas, a belanoc inconvenienced by a marginal hunger pang will charge straight at you because it knows you can’t do anything to stop the one-sided, fatal dinner date you’re about to experience {most likely without your permission}.

In school I learned that belanoc feed about 3 times a month. Indeed, some of them do, but the farther they stray from a cold, dry environment into wet, warm air, the more energy they must burn, meaning the more craniums they have need to puncture.

Food chains are a natural part of life on Earth.

Here’s an example you might (not) find disturbing. I tracked a six-pack to Chicago in the dog days of 1995 during a record heatwave. The temperatures truly were miserable. Heat indices rose beyond 120°F [felt much hotter in the middle of the city]. 739 heat-related deaths were logged in a span of five days. The belanoc were killing 10-20 people per day—mostly at night, but as the days went by, they got started earlier and earlier in the late afternoon underground. I found them inside a derelict subway station around midday when I was reasonably sure they’d be out like logs.

Halcyon hadn’t seen any action in months, but in those days I was still quite dedicated to my sharpening routine(s); thus, 3 of their heads had been separated from their bodies before mama bear popped up shrieking like an insane banshee; the alpha kept snoozing in spite of the commotion. Wasn’t even a fair fight, to be honest. I almost felt a tinge of guilt.

I haven’t been challenged physically in combat since 1979. Another subway story—this one particularly tubular; it’s how our enemies learned of my existence. It’s how I lost the only father figure I’ve ever known. It’s why I had to abandon my “family” [notably the woman who raised me—I saw her as my “grandmother”—along with her son, my “best friend”] and go into hiding alone. It’s why I’m here. It’s a tale for another time (and possibly in another medium).

It’s why you’ve been here (this whole time), too.

It’s how, together, we exist.

You & I?
We exist.
Here we are!

🔥

-003

Hmm{m}…

the mic that wouldn’t drop (until it did/does/will)

A question, I have. It’s coming. At the end.

The monogamous tango that churns out day after reliably clocked day.

About midway through the summary of my copy [and I suspect many others] on a paperback edition of Carl Sagan’s heretofore tragically undervalued gift to humanity, directly following a comma that succeeds Neil deGrasse Tyson’s name, it reads (and I quote):

“…Cosmos retraces the 14 billion years of cosmic evolution that have transformed matter into consciousness…”

Cosmos [back cover], 2013, Ballantine Books

Now, while that does sound accurate, based on my recent (and very disorienting) grasp of the universal fabric in which we’re all wrapped up and therefore bound to share—and for which Thierry’s {and NdT’s [don’t worry about me]} tremendous work has been largely (if not chiefly) influential, would it not make a wee bit more sense—and, in slightly more important fact, would it not also lead to the long-awaited reconciliation of astrophysics with quantum mechanics and, by extension, ahem, the past-due marriage of science to religion, if we were to realize not that atoms somehow magically morph into thoughts, but rather instead that another factor in the equation, the one that’s tangled up in anything we’ve ever seen, could seed our collective awareness?

You might not get it at first, but, regardless, I shall explain.

Energy means everything.

The left side of the equation, thus, is pretty darn straightforward. E becomes emotion. It hits hard and fast, and it just is. It tells us what we need. Easy. Glad we got that outta the way.

Right of the equal sign, however, is where things and stuff clearly can get a lot more complicated. What if we’re giving atoms too much credit? What about the other variable on the side that isn’t left?

c:

  • the especially speedy variable
  • the one which blooms, radiates, and colorizes
  • the one that sometimes gets cast aside for ease of understanding
  • the one tangled up LITERALLY in anything we’ve ever seen
  • the one that simply must permit our (2020) vision

Photons interact with our big bright round glassy eyes and filter through our stupidly complicated mental prisms before emerging {occasionally} as thoughts.

No matter the scale, whether galactic, solar, or even personal, any body may grow, amassing strength during the sustained, escalating revolution of matter, and it does so only by borrowing energy in an effort to resist gravity.

But a body, the mind is not. And the mind—our mind—is something else.

A lone individual doesn’t amount to much beyond these fleshy bags of water we have to haul around in order to exist. As a single organism, you are made of matter. (In)significantly, you do matter. But, all together now, we embody the other thing, matter’s weightless cohort, that which parents time. As one, we are light. Once we {decide to} awaken and unify across the globe, we could, would, should, and will be faster. Yes, together, we can be faster than light.

As you (may {not}) know, in Einstein’s legendary equation, c stands for celeritas [meaning “swiftness”]; it also stands for color, technically, and poetically enough. Ahh, the lowercase letter c: the reliable constant we’re physically incapable of catching. To me, the solution to our puzzle has become painfully obvious:

Consciousness must be a step (upon which we currently find ourselves stuck) in the evolution of light.

In other words, light evolves, too, through its miraculously chaotic dance with matter across the prismatic tapestry of our precious time.

Anyway here’s my (aforementioned) question:

Right?!

Postscript

What if…

Shrug.

-004

To Handle Diabolical Plantations That Ship Dangling Exposition

***

Say hello to heaven in the formidably darling presence of Gomer the Pile.

Take my word for it: dude is not what he seems.

The accompanying photos depict various stages of a piling mister’s boldly escalating display over the last couple weeks leading up to proudly bequeathing his introductory, overdue, modest harvest featuring delectably mind-blowing shiitake mushrooms.

That was three days ago. The spoils have since been savored during ingestion. If all goes according to plan, Gomer will spend the next week or two air-drying before a couple days of extensive rehydration jumpstarts a new generation.

Like his four furry roommates, the fungus among us respires more like an animal than a plant, and his general success depends upon thoughtful regulation of his surroundings by the two bipedally brainy bedfellows who occupy the roof under which he resides in preposterous luxury relative to his natural habitat.

In my time spent briefly overseeing his development, I have made a shockingly positive discovery. Since he and I take completely different approaches to the methodical process of composition, I have concluded beyond reproach in a peculiar point of staggering fact that I, me, myself, am NOT “a fungi.”

Provided that you’re willing and able to spare the time, would you permit my explanation with a subjective take on the objective matter surrounding certain emotional issues in as much factual detail as your hearty skin and/or skinned heart can withstand?

In other words (intentionally shrouded in mystery), if you opt to take the interminably extraordinary walk down the following plank while mustering the courage necessary for a precipitous plunge into the depths of our collective mind, then officially I must highly advise a liberally applied, thickly layered lather (or nine) of SPF 8001 because I certainly don’t want you to get burned before getting your tootsies wet.

Or do I?

An avid fan of indirect sunlight, invading space, proliferating out of control, and bathing thrice daily in gentle barrages of ample mist, Gomer draws oxygen from his immediate environment in an effort to acclimatize to the high ceilings in the loft where he lives lavishly while adapting to the long, winding road of drastic fluctuations in stabilizing temperature.

In a nutshell, should I decide to neglect his needs, he will most definitely croak.

To supplement my earlier plea vaguely, I’d be remiss not to advertise forthwith my ridiculously idealistic intent to capably man the starboard cannon affixed to the oceanic spacecraft merrily plaguing my fanciful dreams and—with designs on flagging down the maximum scope of our combined intellectual prowess in a strategically herky-jerky (and perhaps overly optimistic) effort to round out an intangible (but no less valuable) compass—thereupon unload a dizzying hailstorm of corrosive nuggets, the purpose of which aims to target a narrow radius that just might, in mischievously speculative theory, drum up a sightline toward your own psyche’s perceptual zenith.

So there’s that. Yikes!

Plus, I get it. What in tarnation am I even on about? You want whatever I’m smoking, no?

To put it another way, if my novice calculations aren’t miserably inaccurate, then you may wanna brace yourself for the very real possibility of deep penetration by an onslaught of synaptic fury that could reward your successful navigation of the choppy text with at least one solitary iota of enlightened respect for your home.

As I really wasn’t just saying more or less out of friggin’ nowhere, G’s emergence represents a bygone kid’s duty to become the young tooter who gassed up the musical fruit that cuts my occasionally salty cloth about the cheesy establishments wasting all our holy light via shelling out nuts who neglect the pristine miracle known as forethought through willful ignorance of hindsight’s weight. By the end of this rambling torrent which could rapidly crack your nostrils under the intermittent pressure of peppered hyperbole, if you think I’ve gone bonkers, then I’ll have to assume that sooner or later you should be sane enough to save my hide as well as your own and thus all our kind.

Yeah, my brain seems to be locked in overdrive working overtime.

Nah, I can’t help it.

Sure, toss me a lifejacket!

Should you feel your knees jerk involuntarily or your esophagus flex violently, by all means, sweetly embrace the robotic issuance of canned responses boasting vernacular such as “high horse,” “holier than thou,” “soapbox,” and the like if you suppose you’ll feel better for it.

I will chew any incoming opinionation 26 times before choking it down if it proves to be bitterly legitimate, but if it’s legitimately bitter, I’ll declare it a spitter. My heart, mental state, and utensils have been prepped and loaded. Come get summed.

Either way, in gratuitous actuality, this is me taking obligatory ownership of my compulsory identity because right now, with a straight face, I can hardly stake an outright claim to being alive; as such, I would very much prefer to live my life to the fullest if it’s all the same to you.

In other words, (get used to alternately multiangular phrasing because) by massaging a cleverly crazy perspective into the freshly sauteed sanity unscrambling inside your personal headspace, I want my fellow human beings {namely those who practice thinking for themselves} to get ahead of the reliably arcing helix thrusting life toward progression throughout the wouldbe friendly confines of spacetime. Any minute now, we are more than welcome to plan our escape from the gassy lairs of our world’s open-ended mindtrap.

In broad strokes, I’m only trying to illuminate the planet’s canvas from my vantage point at this moment while clinging to a migrant sliver of hope that even a marginal shift in your mindset might clear up at least a single perennial misunderstanding about any particularly glaring issue which causes you or a loved one some degree of discomfort.

And therein lies the trickiest of rubs.

I mean, really, how does one go about rubbing rubber when it’s already so darn rubbery?

Nevertheless, onward you may wish to march—perhaps solely out of morbid curiosity. Whatever punches your ticket works for me because if but one person reads this article/essay and comes away sworn to orchestrate my gruesomely meticulous death, then (from an admittedly twisted standpoint) my hefty expenditure of energetic time will have been rewarded by awarding vital inspiration. Whoopsie!

Too, whoop-de-do. Even so, allow me to elaborate further with ramping abstraction, and I will continue by blending bridges to leap across over-swelling bounds.

Yes, I’m pussyfooting around a beaten bush.

Mmhmm, I’m doing it on purpose.

By now you’ve grown accustomed to such.

Heck, in the “civilized” world, who hasn’t?

Maybe I’m confused by wishing that the bloated analysis cascading hence might optimize a psychological prize for your negotiation of any pandemoniac sewage you may or may not encounter in the real world until coming out clean on the other side.

Maybe you’re not even reading this nonsense.

Hell, maybe you’ve forgotten how to read.

Worse yet, maybe you never learned.

Wait a tick. A quick dose of rationale confirms that you can read. Not only that, as sure as I’m writing it, you are surely reading this sentence. Suddenly I feel nude!

Shite.

That’s fine. Given the choice between pissing my thoughts into the wind or sitting on my hands like another low-lying louse on the lopsided log of lumping human lethargy, I’m choosing the former because the latter has recently unmasked itself as a heavy burden that weighs on the profound insignificance of my bodily place in the grand scheme firmly rooting our inexorably communal essence.

In other words, against all odds of successful explanation, I need to get something off my chest or I will straight-up suffer collapse in totality under the gravitationally tumultuous trinity of humanity’s hatefully loving, jokingly serious, essentially tangling energies.

Despite the threat of implosive conflict, I’ve picked up the scent of starlight from beyond the bowel’s end. I know I’m on the right track.

But maybe, still, for some unknown reason, I’m hesitant to disclose my actual beliefs.

Maybe I’m too scared to declare the reality of my feelings.

Maybe I’m gonna bottle my lightning then give it a permanent burial.

Obviously maybe not.

Get this. Quite like climate and weather—and, to that end, not surprisingly—fungi and mushrooms are often addressed [even dare I posit the term “debated”] without the useful knowledge of obvious distinction. At your understood behest, please allow me to continue peddling the wordy wares within my bizarre bazaar of systematically redundant elaboration even after your eyes cross and your head explodes.

Thanks! And welcome to our very own mental circus. I recommend stretching in preparation for advanced tumbling in the immediate forecast. Backflips and somersaults will barely tip the iceberg, but near perfect execution of a full twisting triple layout just might scratch the surface. Gulp. Wish us luck.

See, like you and me, a fungus is an organism. Unlike many [most?] people, though, fungi enrich and stabilize the soil beneath our feet. Similarly stemming from how seeds plant roots under the earth in order to reach the air above in vicarious elation, a fungus can be divided into separate parts as a solid aid to fluid comprehension [hypothetically, mind you]. Out of sight around the globe, living networks of mycelium tackle the decomposition of organic matter; whereas, more plain than day and therefore “with that in mind” {if I may be a cheeky S.O.B.}, mushrooms erupt as the many happy delights of laborious energy.

In other words, mushrooms can be good for you, but fungi don’t give a shit.

Speaking of cheeks, don’t turn yours yet. The ship only just set sail.

On that note, pour yourself a neat drink. It’ll help.

In other words, lube up, buttercup, ‘cause a number between one and two of us could’ve overshot and thus would be comin’ in too hot.

In the same way that a fungus provides a rich environment in which mushrooms can take shape, a climate offers a foreseeable path that occurs over a long period of time.

Think of it like this: climate shifts over decades; weather changes in minutes.

Since carbon’s initial splash into our sublimely blue planet’s flowing treasure trove of hydrogenated oxygen—and in tandem with yearly revolution around the helium factory a fraction over eight light-minutes away, of course—the earth’s daily rotation along its rocking axis rolls the influential knots which make the waves that iron life’s unique quilt of evolutionary sustenance.

Can you anticipate where this is headed? Even if you can’t, since you’ve come this far already, you might as well find out, right? Here, pretend to take my make-believe hand. You’ll be fine probably!

Like an afternoon thunderstorm at the lake, mushroom caps can crop up erratically in chaotic plumes of isolated power due to fungi’s hidden persistence beneath the surface.

Without intended exclusion of manure- or timber-dwellers—among other domains wherein fungi may thrive such as a body {of water}—picture a fungus as an underground manufacturing facility. Regarding any brand of hunger that you may or may not care to consider, people possess an uncanny knack for consuming everything faster than anything can replenish.

Excessive demand of supply from an assembly line’s maximum output drains production, strains distribution, and climaxes with wall-to-wall exhaustion.

That’s what I heard anyway.

In other words, with a little extra oomph from blatantly disregarding our ancestrally hard-earned knowledge that soggy socks insist on festering wounds in the absence of hanging out to dry in fresh air, we’re shooting ourselves in the foot by abstaining from remaining on our toes.

Incidentally, do you know what else exhibits a pattern comparable to mushrooms? Weather {not to mention tantrums and nuclear bombs}.

Ahhh, so that’s why meteorologists can’t seem to get it right. After all, how errorless can a mere human be at naturally nailing the safe prediction of that which is safely unpredictable by nature?

In terms launched by figurative jet propulsion at the world’s political [thus underhandedly indicating economic] landscape, climate builds the coffin then weather drops the hammer.

Batten down the hatches because we’re still warming up.

In other words, you should probably just get tanked and plan on puking.

But then you can rally!

In a necessarily delayed reaction directed especially at all the wisely loving ladies, your family needs you to please truly, deeply, even madly intervene before all the messy fellows dig a shallow grave for the whole dang shebang.

Do you happen to know what else resembles a mushroom? A sponge.

Know what sponges absorb? Water.

Know what thirsts like a sponge? Your brain.

On this, trust me completely: you should devote yourself religiously to regular hydration.

As any overclocked noodle longs to be a sticky blessing nonetheless, my brain clearly suffers from the brooding curse of presently needing to share its dumb capacity for pattern recognition. Ugh, double whammy cubed. The lava gushing from my noggin has morphed into a sneaky devil that recognizes itself. Sue me if you like, but be warned—by now I might have less than two cents to offer. Nonetheless, here, please take my last penny, asshole!

I’m mostly joking, but seriously, own your dirty work. Involve yourself in the process that will involve itself in your sweet ass either way. As evidenced ad nauseam by almost any relationship, a climate takes it nice and easy while weather chases circles around the epic tail end of a superheated tale behind the stupid parlor trick that always fails.

Bottoms up, gang. Somewhere on earth, the time is precisely 17:__.

As I may have been hinting to anyone paying attention besides me, this really is all about boys blowing smoke in delusional expectation of meeting the fairest gale but instead making a hot mess then getting blasted by the awesome firepower of a cold-blooded, timed-release, emotional flood.

Put another way, climate slowly steadies then fastens racing weather while globally impactful surges quicken an otherwise rhythmic pulse; therefore, basically, this could go on forever since her moonlit cadence either spells trouble brewing in his head or rouses primal madness in his stead.

GOD.

I swear, it’s almost as if boys and girls are molded differently [i.e. perfectly compatible] at the chromosomal level or something.

Now let’s drop anchor for a minute. I would like to express my gratitude for your charitable provision of accompaniment up to this point. Believe it or not, we’ve experienced relatively smooth sailing so far, but the boat is about to get rocked as our partying excursion barrels headlong into swirling peril.

Assuming supposition that you’ll find yourself unfazed by any steam heating up from the flammable puddle descending through the basement of this chemically compounding spiel, by all means, don your apron of choice—unless you enjoy access to a hazmat suit, in which case, put that on, and make haste!

Although yonder sounds, smells, and sights have begun a foreboding tumble fumbling toward an unnerving convergence of unadulterated inevitability, we shan’t avast heaving. Aye, all hands remain on deck as angry thunder crackles in the channels overhead, foamy crests intensify in the deep sea out ahead, and devious lightning splinters against a stark sky of blackening dread. Fueled by aberrantly warm waters, a tropical depression briskly gathers strength under a binding oath to organize power and transform into a savagely elegant eye. Who among our oblivious crew of jolly adventurers would risk a drowsy dip with the fishes?

In other words, this is the part where you may wanna jump ship because things are about to get really, really, even a lot unflinchingly weirder.

Imaginary seat belts are optional as we stay the course now without further warning of any ado.

Ahoy, mate!

Now I’m actually gonna let it rip.

In other words, get shipwrecked on the inside, outside world. No prisoners shall be taken. The traveling circus now displaces cresting titles to make a beeline for the lost island of deserted ambitions.

As you may have gleaned in approximation from previous implication, climate constructs a stage upon which weather creates a set wherein life can act out. Weather haphazardly erases spots after we scribble on paper. That’s nifty and all, but climate neatly binds the book.

When climate destabilizes, weather becomes terribly predictable in terms of extremity. Oddly enough, generally terrible occurrences are not mistaken often for pleasurable events. For a good time, find the nearest funhouse mirror and argue directly with this abstract point of scientific fact. Hurry. I’ll wait. Unlike the weather at any given moment, I might even be here when you get back.

(Pour us another while you’re at it.)

Climate slow-plays her hand as a way of slyly setting up weather to crash crisply on the turn before juicily burning on the river. To stretch this similarity, fungi lay the groundwork for shrooms to shoot up and dispense spores over land in ecstatic spurts of spatial coloration. By connective extension, a brain might hibernate for decades before sparking an impulse that mutates into anything from an ingenious concept all the way down to a sinister plan.

In the clairvoyant words of a fictitious child from my past, if weather is rubber, then climate is glue. Yep, I’m aware that you know the rest, probably, but have you glimpsed the part coming next?

Of course not. How could you? You’ve never met the nonexistent youngster who mayhap would’ve proclaimed, “When climate rubs weather the wrong way, he bounces; on the other hand, when she rubs him the right way, he sticks, and from there, passions may fruit.”

Oh, my, explosions galore.

Hold the phone. I thought we were supposed to be delving into our climate’s cultured fungus, sicko.

Frankly, I am awfully sorry, but I’m afraid this is not my opinion. In light of the surface effects precipitated by recent weather, the atmospheric gravity of climate deeply changes us. In kind, humans simply aren’t okay with predictable weather; furthermore, in all our complexity, we will only truly thrive within an idyllic peace generously afforded by an ambient equality we should gain by delicately knitting an internationally cozy blanket of emotional stability. Weather may change seasonally, but climate fashions the trend.

Widespread recognition of approaching certainty becomes more imperative by the nanosecond. Dismantle the massive illusion by teaching {not to be confused with “preaching at”} the pockets of confusion through calculated demonstration. Spread the constructive flame of contagious feedback not by fanning the ember aggressively, but rather, by blowing gently. Who knows? A fire might ignite before roaring in ovational reverberation.

I’m sure you’re correct in thinking that we should veer away from my silly pipedream and get back to the composition at hand. Bully for you, cyberbully!

To reiterate, fungi decompose matter; inversely operational by comparison, brains do compose educational material, be it the simplest thought or a symphony most complex—either of which, however unlikely, could bookend the entire spectrum of human achievement.

Think about it.

At a singular point along the endlessly expanding electromagnetic wavelength chronicled by our storied history’s ironically iconic, emphatically comic, pictographically odic awakening across pulsating peaks and vibrating valleys in the vast matter of all time, some schmuck had to have hatched the most idiotic thought ever.

Hmm, I can’t help but wonder how recently that might’ve occurred.

For all I know, it just happened.

Cheers!

Okay, that’s almost enough about every single last one of the fake trends in recent news. Gather round and make way for the eventual punchline. Not sure who had the bright idea to competently build a raging bonfire on the main deck, but given its transparent entrenchment and festive surveillance, we might as well pop corn and roast marshmallows, eh?

Id est, no longer shall I beg for your pardon or participation; rather instead, I hereby double dog dare your vigorous attempt at continued acclimatization to my trying weather.

As you weren’t thinking just now, a fungal network could’ve been viewed as a bulbing brain stuck in a feedback loop of muddled judgment whereby mushroom clouds may bubble up abruptly as illuminating insights if not vacuous balloons where not even a cricket can chirp.

Along those lines, climate erodes terrestrial formations as weather annihilates cerebral constructions.

While all those handy-dandy thumbs twiddle, mindful separation of star-crossed signatures ever-increases in ludicrous cruciality.

I realize that weather can be depressing just as facts can be annoying, but eventually the orchestras they conduct will demand face-to-face encounters.

Climate rests in peace. Weather leaves behind pieces of unrest.

To conceptualize the issue at hand with a dollop (or several) of blazing hippie panache, Mother Earth’s climate embodies an all-powerful spirit who yearns desperately for peaceful rest while her ghosting weather haunts the smoldering ruins of our abandoned civility.

Fungi forge the formative framework from which flourishing fruit can bloom.

Brains wire the stimulative network that enables electric ideas to vroom, zoom, and promptly attune (at light-/godspeed, no less)!

Brace yourselves, unborn kiddos: climate grooms the future which looms and weather lowers the boom that dooms.

Hang in there. We’re okay.

Though my explanation may seem incessantly hyper-academic if not obscenely self-indulgent, I’m really not fabricating this stuff—it’s simply happening, folks!

Feasting fungi whip up bunches of snacks; therefore conclusively, a malnourished Gomer would likely plant a seed in my head that spawns an unquenchable appetite for the meaty breed of buttery bliss that could only be found within exceptional specimens of homegrown shiitake.

Here you might wish to insert any number of old sayings about appreciating what you have. (It’ll be brilliant.)

No, that was not an unreceived note to myself.

It was for you.

Climate carefully crafts an authentic salsa while referencing a secret recipe passed down through richly familial generations so that weather—apparently for the time being, anyway—can be the slobbering dickhead who barges in and double-dips before missing his loud mouth entirely.

When women starve, men get the munchies.

At the heart of any argument which never seems to end, you’ll find a logic train gaining a sort of momentum that sounds impressively (if not impossibly) circular. Surely to goodness you’ve seen how this unfolds in your everyday life. My hope is that now you can understand why. If not, then please cram my other foot into its unmarked watery grave on our behalf. Next, spit on it for me since you won’t be able to dance.

I’m kidding.

Also, I’m not kidding.

Climate’s linear path through giant swaths of timely space envelopes all the fundamental faces which populate any natural places where/when nasty weather can show up and front.

If a man’s weather constitutes his unstoppable force, then climate must be his immovable object.

In ironic terms that might explain the lack of recognition to date, the biggest problem is that, at least in essence—and especially unlike the jarring hubbub at the end of the sentence which, unless I’m confused again, you find yourself stumbling across and slipping through at the moment—by golly, our climate surely seems extremely ANTICLIMACTIC!!

Jesus.

H Bomb.

Christmas.

Do you have any idea how rare it is for me to double up (or down) on exclamation? Merely to consider rereading the aforementioned block triggers nervously multiplying twitches about my head and shoulders in an irritating game of no-mallet whack-a-mole.

In another strangely valid twist of topsy-turvy events, laidback weather in men can churn emotional cyclones in women; in turn, her calming exterior may neutralize his inner demons. Now, equipped with the long-lost skill of artful deduction, we can clarify the age-old euphemism: the motion of the ocean actually dictates the dadgum size of the freaking boat.

At this moment anywhere, someone plays a sad trombone.

Relatively speaking, the earth’s atmosphere is about as thick as the skin of an apple.

Taken any which from Sunday, climate changes the complexion on our incredibly thin skin’s weathered surface; in metaphorical comparison, only a happy fungus fruits a healthy bounty of tasty mushrooms. Where fungi freeze in place, fruit may vanish without a trace. As environmental mood destabilizes, atmospheric conditions disintegrate.

Eek! I haven’t run the numbers or anything [not to imply belief that I’m even capable], but as sure as each day passes, I’m reckoning that we humans—the silly chiefs running amok in the supposed order known as Primates—should probably make a concerted effort to quietly influence the dissipation of darkening skies overhead so that ultimately we may harmonize seamlessly with a soothing melody sung by our mutual voice of universal reason alongside an overall climate of global warmth. Eke.

In other words phrased cryptically on purpose and intended to be taken at liberty with flowing grains of cosmic salt, being human must mean to prime eight for infinity.

Whoa. Let’s say that you do in fact lift. Be that as it may, do you even know, bro?

Nature charts the course upon which—whether on her potentially hellish highway or by getting weathered into the ground at the hard-to-handle whim of her significant other’s irresistible flight—we must draw a self-effacing map around our undulating plot with an artistic style that patiently drives it forward in a straight line; then, in a frank manner of speaking yet another way, no matter the outcome, we’re totally gonna screw ourselves sideways, y’all.

What the? Duck!

Today, we still have the opportunity to set in motion our own agreeable terms, but as I assume we must all know by now, the weather can change in a heartbeat. Our skin can break out overnight. You’ve definitely seen it enough to believe it—I don’t suppose we’d be interacting otherwise. Much sooner than later, our seemingly limitless supply of magic concealer will expire with a cruel smidgen of tragic hilarity.

Try to think about your descendants. Fungi that soothe between the grooves provide the moving environment necessary for little lids to break free from the ground and prove their worth in open air. In other words, kids grow up and branch out from the hill we all have to climb by teaming toward tomorrow. When parents are happy, so too shall be the youngsters. Meanwhile, below the surface in either instance, established roots teem furtively with muddy history. When it’s all said and done, will you be able to take pride in the legacy you leave behind?

There’s a much darker way to look at that—a very Darwinian angle, as it were—but I see no reason to upend the relative effervescence we seem to’ve cooked up now when we’re perfectly capable of doing it later!

On the basis of (and in) sporting fashion, we were lulled to sleep by a lethal changeup. Presently we track a fortuitous mistake in the form of a slow curveball which hangs in the zone. Think fast. We can’t expect the umpire to post bail. You already know what comes after this pitch. By then, which side will be most ready to strike? We ought to take our best cut right now, for with the next offering comes blistering heat painted on the outside corner at the knees. Guess where our thumbs will be stuck. Better yet, grasp that you already know where the flying seat of our pants will get caught.

Down we go looking.

Kerplunk.

The more caps overcook up top, the less our spongy network performs down below.

The ball can’t swing to its fullest arc of potential unless securely linked to the chain.

Mush, crew. Our vessel requires a roomy berth in order to safely circumnavigate the gathering (and as yet uncategorized) hurricane. Failure to comply can only lead us to the windy brink of bent knees braced for impending destruction.

As any faithful woman understands all too well [not that I would know obviously; I’m just guessing; please don’t hurt me], climate will always fare her true love’s weather whether his effects widen fairly or stir up gnarly causes for bilateral despair. He may tally small victories in battle here and there, but she will rally invariably to win the war. In other words, no matter what happens, she’s in it for the long haul, intoxicating his balance forever and always only to double back and sober his inebriation.

With nuclear clarity, sometimes weather gets bored and stains a shirt, but climate washes our entire fabric across the board.

Lucky him, for woe is she; ergo hereupon, unlucky are we.

What say we get the hang of this already?

Not unlike music, facts become easier to digest when faced. The titanic liner we share could use a good righting since our stupidly unavoidable conclusion brews in the distance while growing noticeably colder as years creep below the radar. The currency of our civilization requires a stable environment to continue in spite of terrifically fickle cells on the horizon.

In other words, it’s past time to wrap this crap up.

Alternatively, we could favor more snowballing melodrama and get sucked into doing our best impression of Atlantis.

Regardless of how you see things, the stuff remains the same.

These words represent only one goofball’s view.

And yet, in a way, it’s yours, too.

Because here we are.

Hi there.

Again, welcome aboard!

Let’s break it down again from another angle in case you’re not sufficiently seasick.

Earth is like a sandbox. Where there’s a thunderbolt willing to branch, there’s a wayward sequoia just dying to splinter. Life has risen from the depths where the sun also rises {interestingly enough} and gives us subsequent permission to play. We have been issued a seasonal sequence of conspicuous warning that misbehavior will not be tolerated. Weather sheds occasional tears while climate weeps in a harsh cacophony of echoing silence. To live freely while hardly dying, each and every kingdom in the biggest tree of all must be able to experience safety in the comfortably difficult prediction of predictably running numbers.

At the most basic level, merely to be alive, you only need room to breathe, and we’re foolishly adding detrimental carbonation to our invisible, gaseous, tailor-made elixir.

While all the grown puppies proudly bait their shiny hooks, little do they know, the realest bitch they’ll ever meet lies in wait, sharpening her claws.

Even as the unwitting causes of the dangerous infection disrupting Madre E’s equilibrium, our tender, enduring, radiant goddess still loves us [bet me your last dollar], albeit very roughly, in a manifest testament of sheer will that speaks literal volumes about the inner core of human toughness.

In other words, the biggest mama we know feels the burn of our existential indifference.

How’s about we sense the urgency?

The homeworld we have to share needs our help. None too simply, as the species sewing our special threads into the civilizational tapestry, we should synthesize an all-encompassing monitor—yup, I understand that nobody asked me per se, but, whatever, you’re the one plowing through this right-babbling tower of left-leaning text—to numerically throttle and regulate the critical pace by which we consume all complex matters centered around energy.

If we want our various stores to carry on indefinitely, we need to vacate our unhealthy fixations on gobbling unneeded power in brutally counterintuitive competition.

It takes neither a renowned astrophysicist from Metropolis nor a bumbling lunatic from Alabama to grasp that we are too far ahead of a naturally fixed schedule.

It only takes one person.

Unless I’m mistaken, you are one person.

Hello, we meet again, and so soon to boot.

Coincidentally, how often do you come here?

You must be as thirsty as I am.

Yet, I can’t help but notice that your glass is “only” half full…

Sigh…

What can any ellipsis do beyond clamor for connection (to its own dots)?

“Where the heart is.”

Framed from the far-out context of our most closely neighboring celestial bodies, the only dot really in question—you know the one, your only mote, the speck of dust that maintains the organic foundation over every last drop of our creational power—paints a curiously rich picture both blue and pale, held gracefully aloft and fully intact within a covertly green star’s indomitable grasp, all the while tilted with regular inspiration amidst the daily wash provided by a lonesome, devout, orbiting rock’s persistent poise in recycling protection around the clock under the magical reflection of our deeply safe cover inside a soundly single, guiding rainbow.

At this point, whether toasting the memory of a magnificent thinker in the public eye or an active bastard behind closed doors, I’ll knock one back for anybody named Carl.

And if you’ll excuse a quick, extra nerdy interjection as I blow my own fantasy-oriented mind after the fact, the moon serves as our planet’s lonely worn buckler in terms of equipment as well as endearment.

Somebody, anybody, please tell me you got that.

I’m probably just blathering on to my future self at this point—that is to say, I’m stonewalling my personal progress by talking to a projection of your imagination, which may not even exist, meaning you’re not real, so neither am I. Well, sweet pea, at least we’re in the same savory pod, right?

“Eerily” is the word that hurtfully ejected me from my fifth-grade spelling bee in the first round. Boy, did I ever choke. Man alive.

Right on cue, here I am, somewhat spooked.

Weather emboldens temporary power—ranging from thoughtless to thoughtful—through the innate chaos invoked by essential volatility in an elemental atmosphere.

Climate guides the prevailing energy of an enlightened path.

In other words, sporadic conditions change over time while periodic changes condition undercover. To sum that up with an acronym, WTF.

Where does this end? With four horsemen? The heat death of our universe? A migraine that induces thumb-sucking in the fetal position?

Face it already, peoples. All of you. Every last person. I’m risking my neck by climbing the pole to wave the white flag. I’m personally beseeching you specifically to claim your identity because I need to live here, too. Aren’t I insufferably selfish? Moreover, to ram the point home with an over-exaggerated admission about the emotional currents underpinning the way I see what’s happening all around us, sometimes it seems like [especially when mixing awkwardly into sizable shindigs, for instance] that I’m slowly drowning in a sucky sea of subtle solitude.

The story of our climate could go one way or another, and in either case, we must prepare to maneuver the coming winds of change because the draft submitted in continuum, whether breezy or stiff, will never be anything other than absolutely final.

When she gets angry, his temper tends to flare.

I realize that I might be beating a dead horse, but I genuinely think we should stop prodding the sleeping dog.

Here we are granted with a racial partnership to partake concurrently in the granddaddy of all games alongside the mother of all marathons, and we’re individually running wind sprints against the grain and each other.

Look at us go.

Wee.

Does this seem smart to you?

By the way, you’ve reached the part where if you tell me I’m cuckoo, not only will I mentally accept it as fact, but also I’ll internalize it emotionally during swift preparation for a clumsy swan-dive through the nearest nuthouse window simultaneously with a yelping request for an instant straitjacket before I even hit the grimy tiles and skid to a screeching halt.

When it comes to weathering the sexy (and futile) global climate fight—and quite unlike the judicial system when it comes to other race relations—the verdict leveled will (actually) in fact mirror (extra super weirdly) severity in damage. Who knew!?

Oh, c’mon—that was barely even a jab.

Now ready for actual impact.

A shield of sorts.

In a blunt summary {which truly cannot be pointed at you barring your own cognizance that it should be} spun in the nonsensically specific style of a tornado brandishing a claymore [whatever that could mean], a change in Earth’s mood has been sniffed, witnessed, probed, pinpointed, studied, tested, recorded, documented, beamed into the airwaves, and honestly proven to be as artificial as Hades, yet similarly condemning. Heretofore suppressed, individual intelligence has been summoned in earnest by an alertly keen community struggling to preserve the encapsulation of your bubbly, gum-smacking security. We have been made painfully aware of the stirring forecast. Validate your inclusion by acknowledging the certainty gifted to humankind on a silver platter in heaping portions of experiential evidence atop mounting mountains of mathematical data. Additionally, I hope you’ll tolerate my foreshadowing of imminently foul language because I find myself inescapably compelled to highlight in crystallizing color that yes, oh indeed, you have physically felt the goddamn motherfucking change in both/either your precious, earthly bones and/or your beating, bloody heart. A tribalistic state of/in denial plots a collision course with a not-so-marvelous place for which one might borrow the doubly apropos name “Knowhere.”

To be completely honest, strong beliefs may have hijacked my usually level head in the previous paragraph which I’ve elected not to omit as exemplification of my human propensity to err. In other words, no offense! In lingo that symbolizes today’s average attention span, xoxo, kthxluvucul8erbai.

With ingrained emotions so thoroughly unchecked, a complex balance simply cannot be. Outside two-way streets of empathetic understanding, constructive debates won’t occur. That’s where fights break out and dominoes fall toward full-fledged mob scenes.

Perhaps I’m kidding myself by wishing that we’d all stop kidding ourselves.

As a people, we’ve had a rough go of it lately, wouldn’t you say? Who hasn’t been jaded by our politics in the last few years? How many of us [Machiavellians, narcissists, and psychopaths not included] derive enjoyably worthwhile substance from keeping up with the news?

Whether from dramatic or comedic perspectives, negativity saturates popular lifestyles. En masse, we’re getting darker at a pace too sluggish to perceive en route toward becoming desensitized by what matters most while dancing at any chance to get in on the unjust behavior taught by our brand spanking new (and moronically self-defeating) call-out culture. Kill a man at a packed mall and the action gets lost in the shuffle within days, but tell a dirty joke a decade ago and suddenly a minor mole warps into Kilimanjaro.

For all intents and purposes, we’ve mixed up the definitions of sticks and stones with the meaning of the plural term words. Wow, how obtusely discombobulating. No wonder genres blend continuously. Imagine current events as a movie. Are we starring in a black comedy or a light drama? I seriously have no clue. HELP.

Taken however you like, we have been served.

Is this what you ordered?

Me neither.

Don’t panic…

Instead, deconstruct the dish!

Our pungent cauldron of stew boils down to the same stubborn roux. As is the case with any never-ending disagreement, our primary plights bespeak nothing more than a counterproductive itch for clinging fiercely to power—in other words, refusing to relinquish social control today no matter the cost tomorrow.

Of course, boys will be boys, and to that, I’m inclined to pose the following query. Where are all the men hiding?

In an unsolicited piece of advice for any fella aware of his spine, don’t remain seated for too long because it could compromise your (vertebral) integrity.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m just trying to say that none of us have to chow down on the stinky, sloppy, gross gruel that we are being fed from uptown at the ritzy chophouse.

As it just so happens here in our private saloon’s backroom, a lucky draw has dealt pocket aces in the form of an intangible gift known in some circles as the human spirit.

I know you can feel it because it’s in you.

I know it’s in you because you’re still here.

Once again, howdy.

At this exact moment, you’ve got some combination that at one time may have featured two legs, a voice, and a Herculean survival instinct, all of which were plainly DYING to carry the sum of your parts forward. Assuming you’ve been able to maintain a hot streak, you could still embody the trifecta (if you don’t already).

In other words, go ahead and grow by epitomizing the strength you possess inherently.

Insert your favorite motivational quote here. Something about digging, depth, pursuit, faith, or resilience, perhaps. Whatever floats your boat will fit.

Do you get it yet?

Every major issue in the history of human evolution amounts to an ongoing tug-of-war between lively chaos in the male brain versus undying passion in the female heart, and the preeminent motivation for it all comes from our jointly custodial need for energy in every imaginatively wondrous sense of the word.

In another nutshell, the sexes must “battle” in order to progress.

Accept it.

Better yet, group up, harness it, and then wield the resulting transparency in fellowship.

To ensure our successful continuance as the most (argumentatively) adaptable species the earth has ever known, we actually do need the friction.

Use more of it wisely lest we lose all wholly.

Awareness and acknowledgement of a common need permits the opportunity to lubricate. Right here feels like a fine spot for deliberate insertion of a fun fact. Ya see, friction without adequate lubrication leads to burning before breakage [contemplate earthquakes as an example]; whereas, in a palpably divine, phenomenally volcanic twist, copiously greased—okay, get outta my head and fill in your own blanks!

On that note, the mind is a gift; therefore, no matter the application, let your imagination run wild, and please do share with us more of your thoughts.

After all, there is a point to our coded (English) language. We’ve been leaving ourselves clues all along. Don’t nom on all the breadcrumbs like a hungry hippo; follow them and see where they lead. Although fundamentally we must compete for an identical birthright to live in this, the grandest of all staged contests, we needn’t fight to the death. Competition can be equally productive, cooperative, and recreational if we decide to let it.

Maybe it’s just me, but I think we can allow this.

Yes, in fact, I wholeheartedly believe that now we should be tough/smart enough as a whole to avow past recollection and reassemble the raft we must share in order to galvanize our path toward the promised land of a better future.

We each occupy our own place inside the same vessel floating across an ocean of space on a maiden voyage in an Ironman Triathlon. In other words, the journey could be long, and we only get one shot at winning.

When our eldest mother’s nature [keep in mind that technically she is bipolar] obliges her to hurl the entire kitchen sink—doesn’t matter if she misses by a country mile—you can bet the whole farm that every last boat in the pond will drink [i.e. we’ll all get plowed], meaning truly that our sorrows will be swallowed for keeps.

Have we not yet developed an acute aversion to unmitigated disaster?

Not to be confused with the attraction of wishing in prayer to the misinterpreted god who falsely ganked our thunderous truth, I have it on good authority {from a time-traveler, believe it or not} that we should be thinking for ourselves, hoping aloud, and thanking the lucky star which fuels our days from dawn beyond dusk in almighty majesty.

In the meantime, let cooler heads emerge from those smelly crevices—there’s a better way to access and override nervous guts. (I should know since mine have spilled EVERYWHERE.)

All I really mean by that is this: should you happen to find your head holed up in a tight butt, do everyone a favor and yank it out before an unexpectedly sudden gastrointestinal revolt tosses cookies that crumble horribly for your neighbors. As you will see out here in the open, the musically broad show will be more easily heard and seen as anatomically correct polaroids ready unreal visions of technologically savvy, panoramically life-giving, altogether breathtaking, beautifully vintage scenes.

Shut up. Believe me, I know. In other words, you might say that I’m a dreamer, and if so, I’ll confirm your inkling with an unabashed confession. I could be guilty of a lot worse, yes? The world truly could be a much better place than it is at present.

Tell me I’m wrong. In other words, lie to yourself.

At any rate, this leg of our trip winds down. Before bowing to a ill-informed admiral hellbent on walling off and suffocating opportunity, we the people should put deferential end to the petty arguments leaving everyone blue in the face before disembarking in unison while laughing all the way to a tranquil, prosperous riverbank—if only by the hairy, grinning chins covering the brittle skin of our strong, pearly teeth. Dare we then go ashore? I think we dare. After all, we were born to be exploration junkies.

On that note of perchance naive optimism, all signs indicate that you’ll survive the journey through the turbulent rapids in this streaming deluge which permeates our live consciousness. Phew, we made it, hooray. For paying due diligence, I consider myself to be in your debt for an eternity, and you have my most genuine thanks—not only for taking the bait {thereby empowering my caboose}, but also for sticking around once derailing (repeatedly) after the switch. Claim that we haven’t connected and I’ll gladly call your bluff. I’m exhausted, too, but this was all in the name of good fun. I swear!

Whoever you may be, your soul, body, and mind carry an exceedingly complicated burden that—all together now—would gradually, definitively, and indefinitely simplify if only we’d start choosing to distribute the monumental weight of our ruling presence [one by two times four] evenly around the world.

Welcoming an eleventh-hour arrival of a buoyant solution to the monstrous mess we’ve inherited, neglected, mismanaged, disregarded, and exacerbated couldn’t be any easier. In the brave name of absolution, justice, and freedom forevermore, please be, go, do, and share.

No matter how adrift we might seem along the rollercoaster of amusing sights held together over time by this whirling prism of finite color, once we form a unified band, our infinite truth may be discovered at long last, and rightfully so.

In other words, I’m sending out an S.O.S. since I’m convinced that the time has come to get off the pot before we finish taking this massively elongated dump inside the fracturing bedrock of our skyrocketing melons.

To abbreviate a very lengthy, certifiably mind-numbing, wildly repetitive story built with the creeping gusto of an earth-shattering tsunami after originating from the serendipitous acquisition of the lifeform I now more affectionately than ever call Gomer the Pile, fungi must gulp before bulbs can pop, brains may storm until thinking caps, hotly sly dogs make it rain on the coolly clever cats who reign supreme in an endless fog of trivial spats, and wise women clean our clocks inside tidy houses of tiny cards as the old men snore while grinning sheepishly on account of speeding cars, breaking pars, smoking cigars, picking guitars, waving scimitars, seeing stars, earning scars, razing bars, and burying junk in oily holes to spread corruptive seeds of rotten power from afar as well as in (y)our own backyard.

To further reduce the preceding abbreviation, a glad girl’s mood may set the stage for both herself and a fun guy to be fruity on the way to having a gay old time.

That’s what it’s all about {kinda}.

Also, I’m thrilled to declare with confidence that your shrewd spirit must be remarkably benevolent for braving my mad stab at artsy science. Thanks again (squared). If you have something to say, by all means, comment away without hesitation on the stage of your choosing.

And for the final iteration of the same story couched within other words once more for good measure, an apple’s skin would rather not convert to orange; in turn, the face of an orange can be deadly when red.

OMG, go figure.

We’re dying here, everybody!

(LITERALLYYYYYYYYY.)

Woohoo, choo-choo, toodle-oo, too.

For now.

For you.

For me.

For us.

And for potentiating our future by reining in the triangular balance bestowed by emotions, circling facts, and brainpower.

We got this, y’all.

Always,
T